Kingsman: The Golden Circle is the sequel to Matthew Vaughn’s surprise 2015 hit, Kingsman: The Secret Service. Much of the original cast returns, including Colin Firth, Taron Egerton, Sophie Cookson, and Mark Strong, as well as… OK, I need to stop myself here, because I’m burying the lede: in Kingsman 2, Channing Tatum — as in, Magic Mike XXL star Channing Tatum — plays a secret agent named Tequila who dresses like a cowboy. This is important news, as is Julianne Moore, Halle Berry, and Elton John also joining the cast.
But mostly C-Tates.
Anyway, the plot. After their headquarters is destroyed by the “secret new world order group” the Golden Circle, Eggsy, Merlin, and Roxy travel to the United States, where they team up with an elite spy organization called the Statesman to take down their shared enemy. But you won’t get any of that from the first teaser. In fact, if you blink, you won’t get any of it: the whole clip lasts 15 seconds, most of which is spent on the opening logo. Otherwise, it’s all quick flashes of scenes from the movie that requires constant pausing. There’s some butterflies, Julianne Moore holding a cheeseburger inside Poppy’s Diner, stylish glasses, holograms, and, of course, Tatum as Tequila.
A full-length trailer is pointless. That’s all I need to know.
Kingsman: The Golden Circle comes out September 29.