For a long, long time, Paramount has had a movie called Monster Trucks on the schedule. There hasn’t been any information about it, it’s just been sitting on a January 2017 release date, innocuously marked “family entertainment.” But now the trailer has arrived and we have many, many questions.
When did Sharktopus become so friendly towards humans?
Was this originally conceived as a family-friendly sequel to Sharktopus?
How many jokes are made at the expense of the fine citizens of Chilliwack, British Columbia, where this movie was filmed?
Is there decent chili in Chilliwack?
Will Monster Trucks feature the smooth soft rock stylings of Chilliwack, the band?
How much of the $100 million budget went to convincing Rob Lowe, Thomas Lennon, and Danny Glover to be in this movie?
Is there enough left in that budget to get Chilliwack to write a theme song?
Will Thomas Lennon portray a bitter, lonely Jim Dangle, wandering the Canadian wilderness after the tragic events of Reno 911! Origins: Dangle?
If not, can that be a spinoff?
Monster Trucks arrives January 13.