Hardcore Henry promises to be the hardcoringest punchfest this side of the Kickpuncher series, even though that wasn’t real. Whether you see the first-person high intensity testosterone fest is up to you, but the release of the film got us thinking about our favorite hardcore action movies and the sequels we wish Hollywood would make.
The Rundown 2: We Walken
What? The Rundown is awesome. The Rock and Seann Williams Scott were a surprisingly good buddy comedy team. The movie itself tanked at the box office, but it’s become an action classic on home video as people have discovered that, hey, The Rock is pretty great. Especially with movies like Central Intelligence set to clean house, The Rundown deserves another shot.
Plus, come on, how can you reject my title? –Dan Seitz
Hard to Kill 2: Still Hard
I already weighed in on the most awesomest Indiana Jones movie, which would be pretty hardcore, but I’ll take another stab.
I want another Steven Seagal kick-fest. And the best Steven Seagal kick-fest is Hard to Kill. So here’s what I want to see. Mason Storm? Still fighting for justice, only now he does it as the publisher of a clickbait website. For the most part, though, he has become a gentle warrior more apt to spend his free time tutoring others in the ways of breaking people’s arms in billiards halls and protecting seals from calamity. He has not yet learned to teach seals how to break arms in a billiards hall, so they can protect themselves, but we can save that for Hard to Kill 3: Hard Enough. Anyway, former Senator Vernon Trent would be involved. I’d like him to get out of prison and instantly professes his intention to simultaneously star in a reality show and run for President. This would cause Storm to leap into action, calling upon his friend, Dennis Rodman, and their super famous world leader pals to fight bears, mack on babes, and defeat Trent once again, saving America from his plan to start World War III in the process. Gary Busey would have to co-star as the voice of the robot butler.
All this, if I had my druthers. – Jason Tabrys
Air Force Two
The logical sequel to Air Force One — director Wolfgang Petersen’s phenomenal action piece — is Air Force Two, in which Vice President Kathryn Bennett’s (Glenn Close) plane is hijacked by terrorists. Because President James Marshall (Harrison Ford) is recuperating from a weird leg injury caused by the guy responsible for Lost, Bennett is technically in charge of the country, but not. So while American forces try to rescue her, she does everything Marshall did before her — but backwards and in high heels (and without breaking her foot). –Andrew Husband
Road House: American Ronin
The first movie was a modern western where trouble came to Dalton and the second was a movie that was made. But now, after realizing the one true love of his life was ‘cooling’ and not a ‘small town doctor,’ James Dalton the warrior poet goes on a road trip across America to sniff out and shut down corruption and tyranny in ultra high-end lounges. Marvel as Dalton investigates and decimates a sinister secret society of mercenaries, assassins, politicians, ninjas, actual lizard men, and bouncers known only as ‘Sky House.’ Sadly, we know that this can never happen. –Jimmy Andreakos
Tangoer and Casher
There’s so much left to be explored in the relationship between The Odd Couple of rival L.A. Detectives. What kind of gadgets would Cash be sporting these days? What would Tango think of the (relatively) new Rambo movie? How many more buildings would end up being blown up as a result of their shenanigans? These are all questions that could be answered in a Tango & Cash sequel: Tangoer & Casher. –Christian Long
Crank 3
I want Crank 3. Make Crank 3 a reality, folks. Give Chev Chelios a race against time, a ridiculous plot, a lot of outrageous violence, and anything else you want to throw into the movie. Set it in Asia, set it in London, go ahead and put it on the Moon or in another galaxy. Have him abducted by aliens, sent across the cosmos, and then forced to fight his way out of an alien zoo and find his way back home before his heart explodes due to some alien drugs. It doesn’t even matter.
Bring back Bai Ling, throw a bucket of money at Dwight Yoakam to play his sleazy doctor again, and give Jason Statham the chance to go completely insane once again. He might’ve been burnt to a crisp in the last one, but he’s proven that it will take a lot more to kill him. –Andrew Roberts
So, what kick-ass action movie would you want a sequel to?
