You know, the first debate of the 2016 Presidential Election reminded me a lot of the 2001 action movie Exit Wounds, starring Steven Seagal and DMX. Have you guys seen Exit Wounds? What a great movie that is. I mean, it’s not a “good” movie, for sure, but it is also very great. Steven Seagal plays a renegade cop who gets sent to the worst part of Detroit because his boss has had it with his reckless shenanigans, and when he gets to his new precinct, his new boss sends him to an anger management class, where he meets a local radio DJ played by Tom Arnold, because Tom Arnold is also in Exit Wounds.
So Seagal is in Detroit running around doing Seagal things — punching bad guys in the throat, saying things like “I have an idea” and then revealing his idea is punching more bad guys in the throat, etc. — when he meets DMX’s character, a local drug dealer named Latrell Walker. This brings up an important point: We really almost let DMX become a movie star. Like, we, as a society. He starred in three movies in the late ’90s and early ’00s, sandwiching Exit Wounds between Romeo Must Die and Cradle 2 the Grave. All three were directed by Andrzej Bartkowiak and produced by Joel Silver, who should get some sort of award for the whole thing. Imagine waking up one day and saying to yourself, “I should make a series of martial arts movies that all co-star rapper and ATV aficionado DMX,” and then having the juice in Hollywood to get it done. What a rush that must have been. I bet they could physically feel the power coursing through their veins the whole time they were on set. Like gods among mortals.
Wait! I got sidetracked before I even got to the best part. Exit Wounds, the movie starring Steven Seagal and DMX, also contains my single favorite twist in any movie ever. You won’t even believe it.