Steven Seagal may be Hard To Kill, but he also has a hard time understanding the Internet. Yesterday, the bulletproof kimono-wearing blues musician took some time off from running his clickbait empire to participate in a Reddit AMA. Seagal has a new movie coming out, Code of Honor (you know it’s a classic because it has three words in the title), and he — and definitely not someone who’s commenting as Seagel — answered all the tough questions.
Tough questions about pets and podcasts, that is.
Wanted to ask you about your musical abilities. When, where, and how did you start playing the guitar? Also what musician was the most fun to play/collaborate with?
I started playing the guitar in Detroit in the ’50s and I was in an all-black band.
What is your personal code of honor?
To be kind and polite to everyone. To help those when you can and be courageous in the way you help people.
Do you have any pet? If so what is his name?
I have horses and I have dogs.
You are planning to make a lot of movies scheduled for this year. What is your current biggest drive that motivates you?
I am a champion and I want to remain a champion.
Hi Steven, what is the most important thing that you would like people to remember about you? This said, I wish you a long and joyful life!
My greatest desire is that I’d made people happy, making the world a better place by giving some wisdom and joy to people.
Would you ever consider going on a podcast?
I’m open to anything…
Meanwhile, here are the comments he didn’t respond to.
Jean Claude Van Damme has recently stated that he believes he would, and I quote, “wreck you” in a battle of martial arts. What is your response?
Hey Steve, what exactly happened to you during your kidnapping by the Gambino family in 2001?
So what was the deal with the sex slave lawsuit?
Did someone have to talk you into reluctantly doing this AMA? Did you do it while you were on the toilet like it seems?
How has this AMA been for you? Do you feel in charge?
Is it true that you got choked out by Gene Lebell? Here’s Joe Rogan telling the story.
Any regrets about driving that f*cking tank into a guy’s house and killing his dog?
Do you feel remorse for physically assaulting your ex-wife? Does it conflict with your current job as a police officer?
I live in Vancouver and know a ton of people who have worked on films with you. Is it true you insist on blocking many scenes so you can be sitting the whole time because you’re too lazy to stand up? Is it true you insist that productions hire someone to hold a card to properly shadow your horrific neck fat? Is it true you’re an unbearable d*ck who bullies everyone on set and acts like you’re an A-list star, even though you’re starring in a sh*tty C-list movie?
I went to the same jr. high school as you in Fullerton, CA (many years later). Heard some stories. The one I would like to ask you about is when your social-studies teacher caught you stealing lunch money from a kid in a wheelchair. True? (I didn’t make this up)
Some Redditors began to question whether it was even Seagal doing the responding. “I worked as a personal assistant for Mr. Seagal for a few weeks early in my movie career,” one wrote. “I absof*ckinglutly guarantee he isn’t doing this AMA or even remotely near the computer. He is also notoriously difficult (I also worked on two of his movies), so I doubt you would get a legit answer even if he was the one answering the questions, which he is not.”
Stick to what you’re good at, Seagal, which if you ask him is being a crime-fighting, guitar-shredding, guy-who-has-never-pooped-his-pants sex god.