‘Talladega Nights: The Ballad Of Ricky Bobby’ Lines That Will Turn You Into A Champion

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03.23.15 8 Comments
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Talladega Nights: The Ballad Of Ricky Bobby is a story about how a great American champion with a smokin’ hot blonde wife became a better, more American-y champion with a smokin’ hot redhead girlfriend. If you want to be a champion like Ricky Bobby, that’s too bad, because only so many people can piss excellence. But if you want to be a perpetual 2nd place finisher like Cal Naughton Jr. (which is basically the same as finishing in last place), you might want to watch and repeatedly recite the best Talladega Nights quotes.

“If you ain’t first, you’re last.” — Ricky Bobby

Like all great catchphrases, this one’s brilliance exists within its simplicity. It’s no nonsense and technically accurate.

“Dear Lord Baby Jesus, or as our brothers to the south call you, Jesús, we thank you so much for this bountiful harvest of Domino’s, KFC, and the always delicious Taco Bell. I just want to take time to say thank you for my family, my two beautiful, beautiful, handsome, striking sons, Walker and Texas Ranger, or T.R. as we call him, and of course, my red-hot smoking wife, Carly who is a stone-cold fox.” — Ricky Bobby

“I threw a bunch of Grandpa Chip’s war medals off the bridge.” — Walker

“Chip, I’m gonna come at you like a spider-monkey!” — Texas Ranger

“I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo t-shirt, cause it says, like, I want to be formal but I want to party too. Cause I like to party, so I like my Jesus to party.” — Cal Naughton Jr.

“We go together like cocaine and waffles.” — Cal Naughton Jr. 

“We keep it on there for profiling purposes! We’ve also got The Pet Shop Boys and Seal.” — Bartender

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