Based on nothing but the trailers and commercials for the film, the upcoming Vin Diesel project The Last Witch Hunter should, at the very least, answer two questions fans of the Fast & Furious franchise have been asking for seven films now: One, what if Vin Diesel had a big hilarious beard? And two, what if Vin Diesel had a flaming sword?
But even as useful as that information will be (very), it still doesn’t get us any closer to actually understanding this new movie. Luckily, Diesel sat down with io9 recently to discuss how Tolkien’s work influenced both his theories on death and the arc of his character in the fil-… nope. Can’t do it. Just tell me more about the flaming sword.
But none of those actors put their lives on the line for the film like Diesel did. He put a tank of propane on his back to wield his character’s flaming sword.
Yes. More. Tell me more flaming-sword things.
“Was it dangerous? Yeah. Was a propane tank strapped to my back? Yeah. All right, did we have eight firemen off to the side with fire extinguishers? Yes. But it was practical. And there was some cool value to that,” Diesel said.
Good God, what a quote. Go back and re-read it again, but this time, really trace the journey. Vin Diesel openly admitted to strapping a propane tank to his back and having been surrounded by eight firemen — eight firemen, who were pulled away from their regular jobs of putting out fires in homes and businesses — so his character could brandish a huge sword that was engulfed in flames, and then turned around and described it as “practical” in the very next sentence. Just beautiful. I wish I could put this quote on like a sweater and wear it to dinner tonight.
UPDATE: It appears Vin meant practical like “produced physically, without computer-generated imagery or other post production techniques” and not practical like “sensible and reasonable.” Just ignore everything I said and picture Vin Diesel with a propane tank on his back and a flaming sword in his hand and eight firefighters surrounding him. That part is still good.