On Friday, Vin Diesel’s new movie The Last Witch Hunter opens in theaters, and in it, he plays — as the title and movie posters might indicate — a badass witch hunter. This latest role is a bit of a change of pace from some of Diesel’s previous roles, like when he played a badass Army Private, or a badass spy for the NSA, or a badass stock broker, or a badass street racer, or even a badass Navy Seal slash nanny.
In an acting career that is still going strong after more than two decades, and one in which is often compared to his Fast 6 through 8 co-star, Dwayne Johnson, it got me thinking a little bit. “Brian,” I pondered aloud to myself, “which of these two men is the bigger badass: Diesel or The Rock?”
Good question, Brian. But to answer it, I’m afraid we can’t just compare Hollywood resumes. For this exercise, we’re going to have to really dig deep. We have to look into their most-recent social media output, their singing, their facial hair and wig games, and so much more.
So, to help get to the bottom of this once and for all, I have put together an objective and scientific point system based on five criteria, which breaks down like this:
- Did he show off a surprising ability to sing? (worth one point)
- Was he wearing a wig or ridiculous facial hair? (worth two points)
- Did he post something on social media that was practically universally enjoyed? (worth three points)
- Any good wrestling or breakdancing pictures/videos? (worth four points)
- Did you think to yourself while watching their movie, “Is this character supposed to be a real person, or is he actually a superhero?” (worth five points)
So, let’s get started. Who is the bigger badass?