Nothing To See Here — Just An Anti-Masturbation ASL Video Made By Jehovah’s Witnesses, Soundtracked To R. Kelly

Senior Pop Culture Editor
09.10.12 4 Comments

On the official Jehovah’s Witnesses website, there’s a section for those who require sign language, because even the deaf need to know that CHRISTMAS IS AN EVIL PAGAN HOLIDAY. In between videos for “Blood Fractions and Surgical Procedures” and “The Bible’s View on Divorce and Separation,” there’s one called “Gain the Victory Over Masturbation.”

FYI, Jehovah’s Witnesses are, according to Yahoo! Answers, “against masturbation — they’ve published several youth books with chapters dealing with the evils of masturbation. The picture on the first page of that chapter showed a youth sitting at the top of the stairs with a depressed look staring out into nowhere.” That sounds like an amazing read.

Anyway, the video shows an exaggerated man signing (sample sentence: “If your friends confess to masturbation, cut them out of your life.”) with, for obvious reasons, no musical accompaniment. This simply wouldn’t do, said the Internet, and before long, R. Kelly was involved.

Now I’m sad: the deaf will never know the simple pleasure that is listening to R. Kelly. Then again..

…they’ll also never have to experience dubstep.

(Via Reddit)

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