Big Sean had an eventful 2017, releasing his I Decided mixtape in February and his collaborative Metro Boomin album, Double Or Nothing, in December. He was noticeably absent from the hip-hop landscape in 2018, though. He had no major releases, and he only made featured appearances on a handful of songs. Well, today (March 25) is the rapper’s 31st birthday, and he took some time to reflect on the past year of his life: In a series of three Instagram videos, he explained that for a lot of 2018, he was focused on his mental health and finding “clarity.”
He said that on his birthday last year, “it was good for me but it was wild for me too, because I felt like something wasn’t all the way connecting with my energy. I’m big on energy. And I wasn’t feeling like myself, I couldn’t figure out why.” He said that he has dealt with anxiety and depression since his teenage years, but in 2018, he started seeing a therapist. That process helped him find “clarity,” and helped him find happiness sourced from within himself.
As far as music goes, he’s feeling great about it, saying, “Then I started getting back to making the music, and it started being fun again. I’m making the best music of my life. […] It feels good to be back at a higher level.”
Find a full transcript of the three videos below.
“As I’m going into another year of life, I’m definitely seeing things different than I used to see them. I just wanted to speak on it, and share because a lot of y’all need insight like I do, and probably feel similar too. Around this time last year, around my birthday, it was good for me but it was wild for me too, because I felt like something wasn’t all the way connecting with my energy. I’m big on energy. And I wasn’t feeling like myself, I couldn’t figure out why.
So, what I did was I stepped back from everything I was doing, everything I had going on, because somewhere in the middle of it, dog, I just felt lost. I didn’t know how I got there. I been meditating since I was seventeen years old. That helps with anxiety, depression, all them things. It wasn’t doing it all the way for this, so I knew this required some special attention.
So what I did was, I started therapy. I got a good therapist. I was blessed enough to talk to some super spiritual people. They made me realize one thing I was missing in my life, and the one thing I was missing was clarity. Clarity about who was around me, what I was doing. Even the music, which is my happiness, my joy, always an escape for me, that was starting to feel like a burden. Starting to feel like a job.
The relationships around me, the people I was growing up with, I had a lot of toxic relationships around me. Even the relationship with my mom was getting to a point where we wasn’t talking like that. It was weird, because that had never been like that with me and her. I realized it all started with me, and I had to analyze myself, I couldn’t point the finger at anybody else. I had to point it at myself, and nurture those relationships that were important to me. But most importantly, nurture the relationship with myself.
I started realizing that you can’t depend on somebody for love and a good time and all that if you can’t give it to yourself. I started doing things by myself, doing things I never thought I’d do, like going skydiving or whatever I thought was fun, just doing it. In the midst I definitely re-discovered myself and found a whole new energy, and me being the source of it and not somebody else.
Then I started getting back to making the music, and it started being fun again. I’m making the best music of my life. I started nurturing those relationships that were important to me, putting time into that unconditional love. Conditional love is cool, the money and instant gratification, but your foundation on which you stand on is the unconditional love. Hey man, put the energy back into yourself, be clear about what you want to do, who you want to do it with. Just know that it all translates to happiness. It feels good to be back at a higher level.”