Since the dawn of Born This Way, sh*tting on new tracks from Lady Gaga has become a bit of a national sport. It’s not a particularly fair pastime (even with ARTPOP being a bit of a bust), but it’s one that seems to pick up momentum with each passing album. No Justin Timberlake style passes for Gaga, it seems. Now Black Keys drummer Patrick Carney is the latest person chiming in to pan Mother Monster’s latest creation.
Carney, who has a habit of rubbing the people the wrong way, now has a music review segment with Vice christened “Patrick Carney’s High Music Standards Corner.” The premise is a familiar one. Listen to some tunes, share some thoughts, wait for said thoughts to bubble up online. Among the tracks listened to by Carney was Gaga’s “Perfect Illusion” and he was not shy in his critique.
“First of all, I hate guitars that sound like that,” said Carney. “I’m lost because the guitar at the top of it sounds so sh*tty. It’s like ‘Eye of the Tiger,’ but not even nearly as good as that. It sounds like Hulk Hogan is playing the f*cking guitar.”
“I met Hulk Hogan once, and he was really, really nice, and he did say this to me: ‘These fingers have never touched a fret. Been up and down the Florida coast playing rock‘n’roll all through the ’70s, never touched a fret,'” recalls the drummer. “I think that’s what he’s saying! He’s saying he was playing a fretless bass in a prog band or something. F*cking cool!”
Carney concedes that the song is “growing” on him, but likens it more to payola beating a listener into submission. Mind you, if you’re sweet on “Perfect Illusion,” producer Mark Ronson is happy to point out the rock vet’s track record.
Ideally, we’ll get a lovely Jack White + Lady Gaga combo single out of this. (You’re invited too, RedOne!) Also, come for Gaga at your own risk. The Chainsmokers can vouch.