We Hope Brad Paisley And LL Cool J’s New Song ‘Accidental Racist’ Is Intentionally Awful, Because It’s Awful

Settle down, everyone, settle down: Brad Paisley and LL Cool J have ended racism once and for all. THANKS OBAMA. NO, really, thanks Obama, were it not for you, Brad and LL — or as they’re known now, Cool Brad — may never have written America’s new national anthem, “Accidental Racist.” And thank god they did.

To the man that waited on me at the Starbucks down on Main, I hope you understand
When I put on that t-shirt, the only thing I meant to say is, I’m a Skynyrd fan

It’s just a misunderstanding! When Brad wears his confederate flag t-shirt, it’s not because he hates black people and wishes they were slaves — it’s because he likes the GREATEST ROCK BAND EVER. But people immediately assume the worst, and made an ass out of you and me (and him). If only they had used their words, words like:

I try to put myself in your shoes and that’s a good place to begin
But it ain’t like I can walk a mile in someone else’s skin

Tell that to Leatherface. #words

Feel like a new fangled Django, dodgin’ invisible white hoods
So when I see that white cowboy hat, I’m thinkin’ it’s not all good
I guess we’re both guilty of judgin’ the cover not the book
I’d love to buy you a beer, conversate and clear the air
But I see that red flag and I think you wish I wasn’t here

“New fangled Django.” LL Cool J has just created grandpa rap. The world is a better place now.

Brad: Oh, Dixieland
LL: The relationship between the Mason-Dixon needs some fixin’

It’s like SNL‘s “Ebony and Irony” sketch, without the irony. Also, that bit ended with Frank and Eddie Murphy making nice — “Accidental Racist” makes me hate black people AND white people. Maybe that’s the point?

(Via the Hairpin)