Sad news, America. Chris Brown, one of history’s most terrifying monsters recently seen diabolically teaming with one of the world’s worst charities — seemingly just to up his villainy quotient — has had enough of all you haterz and will retire to a quiet farm in Ohio or someplace else where unrepentant acts of domestic violence aren’t frowned upon, according to Chris Brown on Twitter.
Seeing as though Chris is a young man and will likely need to find something else to do with his time, we have a few occupational suggestions to offer…
– Hungry bear tickler.
– Poisonous snake de-fanger.
– Parachute-less skydiver.
– Crocodile wrestler.
– Person who swims through pools of chum in shark-infested waters.
Then again, Brown will probably delete the tweets before the day is over and will resume making sh*tty autotuned music for teenage girls tomorrow. Sigh.