‘Tired Of Being Famous For A Mistake’, Chris Brown Will Now Take His Ball And Go Home (FINGERS CROSSED!)

Sad news, America. Chris Brown, one of history’s most terrifying monsters recently seen diabolically teaming with one of the world’s worst charities — seemingly just to up his villainy quotient — has had enough of all you haterz and will retire to a quiet farm in Ohio or someplace else where unrepentant acts of domestic violence aren’t frowned upon, according to Chris Brown on Twitter.

Seeing as though Chris is a young man and will likely need to find something else to do with his time, we have a few occupational suggestions to offer…

– Hungry bear tickler.

– Poisonous snake de-fanger.

– Parachute-less skydiver.

– Crocodile wrestler.

– Person who swims through pools of chum in shark-infested waters.

Then again, Brown will probably delete the tweets before the day is over and will resume making sh*tty autotuned music for teenage girls tomorrow. Sigh.