Diplo Is Terrified For His Life Over Taylor Swift’s ‘Scary’ Secrets

01.23.15 4 years ago 9 Comments
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Ariana Grande isn’t the only pop star with a Dark Passenger.

Sparkly microphone-holder Taylor Swift has “lots of secrets,” with some bonus “scary stuff going on.” That’s according to her sparring partner, Diplo, who’s “scared for my life” over what he and his tiny penis know about the booty-less Swift.

From an interview the DJ, producer, and “last dinosaur” did with GQ:

You’re a part of the tabloids now.

It sucks for me, because now I have to not be as crazy as I am on the internet. Which totally sucks, because it’s not going to be fun anymore. But the repercussions are really bad. Like, Taylor Swift fans are really crazy. They threatened to murder me and stuff. It’s really bizarre, and disgusting. They’re the worst people in the world.

You couldn’t pay me enough money to piss off the Taylor Swift fans.

Yeah. And I’m a pretty big fan. But they’re like “I wish your kids had Down syndrome.” They’re so evil. I dissed Lady Gaga before, and the gays were never even this mean. They’re funny. These people are like mean-spirited, evil human beings. I’m not a politician. I shouldn’t have to be under the microscope for people like that.

All things considered, if a million Taylor Swift fans got pissed off about [Diplo’s “funny quirky vibes on my Internet”], it doesn’t totally matter.

She has like 40 million Twitter fans. Forty million! Yeah. It’s crazy. I’m a fan though. Her powers—she’s big. She’s strong, bro. Taylor Swift is very strategic with her friends and enemies. And I know lots of secrets. I can’t divulge, but I know a lot of stuff about her. And she’s definitely, there’s definitely scary stuff going on. And I’m scared. I’m scared for my life.

“She’s strong, bro.” And for Taylor — with all her super-secrets about what happened in the unaired episodes of Work It! — it was worth it.

Via GQ

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