Drake Recovered From His Fight With Diddy By Donning A Purple Robe And Dreaming Of Exotic Brie Cheese

12.10.14 5 years ago 2 Comments

Drake is a man with a vast array of talents and inherent skills. He’s a baller (in fact, “he’s Steph Curry with the shot,” which is a debatable claim). He’s a rapping phenomenon. He’s an actor who’s highly capable at maneuvering with a wheelchair. And, he’s “really with the sh*ts,” which is both a line from his newest hit, “0 to 100“, as well as a statement one makes when one has to clearly define the rumble occurring in their lower intestine.

Recently, though, Drizzy had to take a siesta at a hospital following an encounter with P. Diddy at an Art Basel party. Diddy was all like, “You will never disrespect me again,” and Drizzy was like, “Pshhh,” and that made Diddy go upside his head. (Translation: Sean “Puffy” Combs allegedly punched Drake)

The beef was apparently over the aforementioned track, “0 to 100”, which was reported to have been given to both Drake and Diddy to record, but Drake recorded and released the song before Diddy could lay his hands on it. Straight b*tch move, Drizzy.

To celebrate his release from the hospital, Drake hit up Instagram to show the world that not only is he well, and unscarred from the Bad Boy mogul’s assault, he’s ready to lash back with furious anger! But first, he needs to put on his purple robe and evaluate his hotel’s cheese situation.


This? This is what hip-hop is all about. It’s not about “beef” anymore. It’s about cheese. Real cheese. That unappreciated part of a delicious barbecued meat sandwich. That sh*t you can’t fake. Get your Velveeta eatin’ ass up out the game, stay in your own lane, or get ya’ cheddar weight up.

If the rap gods are kind, Drake will release a new track called “Started From Ricotta” that will go double-platinum, win three Grammys, and serve as the lead-in to his new Food Network show.

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