Now that Coachella — and with it videos and parodies of Tupac Shakur’s holographic performance of “Hail Mary” — has come and gone, let’s look toward the future. It’s time to imagine what other summer music festivals, like Bonnaroo and Sasquatch!, are planning in order to have their own viral “Hologram Tupac” moment. It won’t be easy now that bringing back the dead (sort of) is off the table, but it can be done. Here are eight different suggestions for eight different festivals happening across the country, beginning with…
Where: Manchester, Tennessee
When: June 7-10
Headliners: Radiohead, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Phish, the Beach Boys, Bon Iver
Hologram Tupac Moment: The reunited Beach Boys play Bonnaroo midway through 50-year anniversary tour, so everyone will know what to expect by then (I can’t imagine they’ll drastically redo their set list every night). But to make their festival appearance extra special, the Beach Boys should play their 1966 masterpiece, Pet Sounds, from front to back, with an encore of selections from Smile. People don’t really need to hear “Kokomo,” anyway.
The Muppets already own that sh*t.
Festival: The Bamboozle
Where: Asbury Park, New Jersey
When: May 18-20
Headliners: Foo Fighters, Blink-182, Skrillex, Incubus, Bon Jovi
Tupac Hologram Moment: BLOW IT UP. Literally. Sure, losing the Foo Fighters (and the Promise Ring) would kind of suck, but to contain blink, Skrillex, Bon Jovi, DJ Pauly D, Buckcherry, AND Andrew Dice Clay in one location and not explode at least one stage would be a missed opportunity. #bamBOOMzle
Where: The Gorge, Washington
When: May 25-28
Headliners: Jack White, Beck, the Shins, Tenacious D, Girl Talk
Tupac Hologram Moment: Hm. Tenacious D…playing at a festival named after Big Foot? Honestly, if John C. Reilly doesn’t reprise his role as the “alleged ape-like creature” from The Pick of Destiny and jam out with the D to “Papagenu,” it’ll be a disappointment. Another possibility: Zach Braff apologizes to the Shins – and the world – for Garden State.
Festival: Electric Daisy Carnival
Where: East Rutherford, New Jersey
When: May 18-20
Headliners: Fatboy Slim, Boris, Armin van Buurin, Avicii, Afrojack
Tupac Hologram Moment: Two words: WALKEN DANCE.
He takes the stage while Fatboy Slim’s performing, and heads explode from too much excitement.
Festival: Pitchfork Music Festival
Where: Chicago, Illinois
When: July 13-15
Headliners: Vampire Weekend, Feist, Godspeed You! Black Emperor, Dirty Projectors, A$AP Rocky
Tupac Hologram Moment: Founder Ryan Schreiber takes the stage before Vampire Weekend’s festival-closing set, the crowd anxiously awaiting his announcement. He clears his throat, coughs away from microphone, and begins, “We think our reviews are often overwritten BS, too.” He starts to walk off the stage before running back to the mic and adding, “And Yankee Hotel Foxtrot should have beaten Turn on the Bright Lights in 2002 for album of the year. The f*ck were we thinking?” He leaves to a ovation not heard since six months prior, when the audience of a secret show for a band you’ve never heard of clapped for 48 minutes straight.
Festival: Gathering of the Vibes
Where: Bridgeport, Connecticut
When: July 19-22
Headliners: Phil Lesh & Friends, Primus, Bob Weir & Bruce Hornsby, the Avett Brothers, Zappa Plays Zappa
Tupac Hologram Moment: Eh, fine, Hologram Jerry Garcia. Ben & Jerry’s stock would increase by about 1,395,395% the next day.
Festival: Rock Fest
Where: Cadott, Wisconsin
When: July 19-22
Headliners: Def Leppard, Iron Maiden, Godsmack, Alice Cooper, Poison
Tupac Hologram Moment: All of the women who appeared in Poison’s music videos during the band’s glory-era stretch from 1986-1990 crash the stage during “Unskinny Bop” with some news: collectively, they have 78 sons and daughters – and they’re all Bret Michaels’s. Or so they claim. Luckily, Rock Fest has a Paternity Center Tent on the grounds, and it’s quickly revealed that they’re lying and just wanted to get closer to Blues Saraceno, who they’re surprised to learn isn’t in the group anymore.
Meanwhile, Michaels does the “You’re Not the Father” dance:
This is, of course, all captured on video and put on YouTube.
Festival: Gathering of the Juggalos
Where: Cave-In-Rock, Illinois
When: August 8-12
Headliners: Insane Clown Posse, Twiztid, Blaze Ya Dead Homie, Boondox, Anybody Killa
Tupac Hologram Moment: Get this kid, obviously.