Jack White, Guinness World Record Holder?

05.18.12 2 Comments

Okay so it’s well established that Jack White is ““the coolest, weirdest, savviest rock star of our time,” right? Everyone knows this. So what is White doing now to uphold the reputation he’s crafted for himself? Trying to get himself into the Guinness Book of World Records, of course.

The whole thing started with Guinness turning down the White Stripes’ bid for the record of World’s Shortest Performance with a one-note concert in St. John’s, Newfoundland.

“The White Stripes were in fact recognized in the 2009 Edition of the Guinness World Records book for the shortest music concert ever when, on July 16 2007, they played just one note at St John’s in Newfoundland, Canada,” the Guinness people said in a statement. “Subsequent to this appearance we received a large volume of applications from bands and performers seeking to beat this record. The ultimate results of this was individuals claiming that simply appearing on stage was enough to qualify them for this record.”

White responded by issuing the following statement via his Third Man Records website...

Third Man Records is proud to announce that Jack White has again decided to take on the tremendous challenge of getting into the Guinness Book of World Records.

During the rest of the performances on his current tour supporting his new album “Blunderbuss” (which incidentally is currently in the running for the world record of “the fastest named album in history” *pending), Jack White will every night on stage attempt to break the world record for most metaphors in a single concert.

The attempt may prove very exhausting and at times even dangerous, but the results could prove to be glorious and possibly even vainglorious. We are certain that the extremely scientific and intricate analysis of the metaphors that occur will be examined in accordance with Guinness’ usually very thorough methods probably, or at the very least if somebody answers the phone at the pub.

Third Man Records encourages all attendees of said concerts to please not interfere or interject with any metaphors that they witness occur during the show as to not disqualify or worse yet, trivialize the metaphor in question. In addition all concert attendees are encouraged to entice as many metaphors to occur during the show that they possibly can as long as they don’t endanger themselves or Mr. White.

Let’s all help to make history folks! Thank you and we’ll see you in the record books!

Most metaphors in a single concert, eh? Isn’t that kind of like trying to f*ck an antelope with a chainsaw in a…oh nevermind.

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