Shaggy Knows How To Stop ISIS, So The World Can Rest Easy Now

07.06.15 4 years ago 3 Comments
shaggy

EMI

ISIS is an ongoing problem, so much so that President Obama addressed its threat again this week. Solving such a problem is going to require the world to truly unite to put our heads together, brainstorm, and dig deep.

Oh! Never mind. Shaggy has a plan!

Shaggy? The reggae singer?

Yes, Shaggy the reggae singer, but also Shaggy the occasional military strategist. To be fair, he did serve in the Marines during the first Gulf War, but still, despite his limited experience, Shaggy has totally figured out how we can stop ISIS. It doesn’t involve guns, bombs, a coalition of the willing, a coalition of the un-willing, trade restrictions, or air strikes. Summits, conference calls, peace talks? We don’t need ’em. According to Shaggy, all we need is one thing.

Shaggy’s music.

That’s it?

That’s it. All that’s needed to defeat ISIS is a CD-R with “It Wasn’t Me” on it.

Oh, and some weed.

In a recent interview the Miami New Times, Mr. Boombastic shed some light on his plan.

“If you’re able to cut a man’s head off, you’re sick. But right, music evokes emotion. So if they’re listening to Shaggy music or reggae music, they’re not going to want to cut somebody’s head off. There are two thing you want to do when you listen to reggae: You get somebody pregnant, or you’re f*cking high. High people don’t want to kill nothing; they want to love. They need to bag some Jamaican weed and distribute it amongst ISIS. I guarantee there won’t be any more wars out there.”

So there you have it. Get ISIS good and blazed, put on Shaggy’s Reggae Jams mixtape and the problem’s solved, just like that. No more ISIS. No more beheadings, murders, or kidnapping. Thanks, Shaggy! Can you please tackle student loans next?

(Via Miami New Times)

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