Slipknot, the hardcore metal band that admittedly I will say up front that I know little to nothing about, is hosting an upcoming three-day music festival in San Bernardino, California, aptly called Knotfest. And much like how Mariah Carey has her own official beverage that is inspired by the magic of Mariah Carey, Slipknot’s Knotfest has an “official smell” which is likewise inspired by the magic of Slipknot. That smell? Camel sh*t. So basically, anyone who shows up to Knotfest expecting doughy balls of garlicky bread is going to be disappointed twice over.
From the official Knotfest press release:
“Knotfest has its own aroma that will infest your brain, body and clothes for days after the festival is over. Personally picked by Slipknot themselves, the smell of Knotfest will permeate the festival grounds. Oil drums will be filled with camel shit… set aflame to last the entire festival.”
When I read “personally picked by Slipknot” I imagined a man in business attire presenting a suitcase full of camel turds to another man wearing evil clown makeup who leans in, breathes deeply and then closes his eyes and slowly nods while giving the “OK” hand gesture.
But camel dung? I’m still gonna need a how and a why, here, so let’s start with the “why,” as Slipknot percussionist Shawn “Clown” Crahan reveals to Rolling Stone:
“I write down things in life that are special, that only living in this thought process can you ever obtain,” he says. “Freshly mowed grass. How it smells when a nice spring rain hits. Because of Iowa, I like being in a different state that doesn’t even have grass and think that I smell fresh-cut grass. It brings me home. Makes me feel safe… So, I figure, since we’re not a band anymore — we’re a culture, everybody needs to get used to that real quick — that the culture has to have a smell.”
While you’re all getting used to the fact that Slipknot is a culture now, let’s move onto the “how.” Just where does one acquire the amount of camel sh*t one requires to fuel a three day metal bender?
Contrary to reports that claimed the dung would be mixed with oil, Crahan insists it will be au natural, heated with a slow burn over charcoal, “like we’re doing ribs.” As for where they will acquire three days’ worth of camel dung? “Well, that’s a good question,” says Crahan. “I don’t want to get anybody in any sort of accusations of wrongdoing or whatever, but you have to get it from a zoo probably. How you get it from the zoo is not my origin of expertise. I just put out the order and the captains go out and get it done.”
Now I’m picturing a man in evil clown makeup sitting behind a desk with two men in business attire standing in front of it, who wearily sigh and leave the room when the man in the evil clown makeup snaps his fingers and nods his head towards the door.
So there you have it. Three days of metal bands and the nauseating, overwhelming odor of slow burning camel crap. Ehh, whatevs. Still probably isn’t as bad as a Gathering of the Juggalos.