Eyes Up Here For Some Breast News

Senior Writer
08.25.10 12 Comments

Check out these hooters.

They’re a woman’s best asset and a man’s best friends. They’re attractive, both pouty and perky. They can be round, they can even be oddly shaped, but regardless of how they sit there, we just can’t stop staring at them. I’m talking, of course, about eyes. And as gorgeous as our providers of vision can be, they just don’t hold a candle to breasts. At least that’s how I feel. And when I can mix breasts into my daily news, well stop the presses, chief. I’ve got something to get off my chest.

First up, a 61-year old Colorado man has to find a new place to buy groceries since his local Safeway has banned him from the store. He claims that he was trying to get his favorite pieces of chicken when he told the girl behind the counter he likes large breasts. The next time he came in he was greeted with rudeness and an eventual early exit because she tells the story a bit differently. According to the woman, he made a lewd comment about her rather large chest and then cursed at the manager. He’s not welcome back to that Safeway for one year, but on the bright side maybe sagging will set in.

Meanwhile, a few dozen mothers in Phoenix made their breasts the center of attention this week when they showed up to protest a McDonald’s restaurant. On August 11, Clarissa Bradford was minding her own business when her 6-month old became hungry. Naturally, the mom obliged her child the old-fashioned way – breastfeeding. An assistant manager didn’t take too kindly to the exposure of mom’s feedbag and demanded that she leave. And leave Clarissa did, only to return 10 days later with her posse of protesting providers. In the end, the moms admitted they didn’t have a resolution in mind for their protest, which makes them kind of half-and-half-assed.

Finally, some women just want the same privileges as men, and who are we to deny these inalienable rights? More than 200 people tossed their shirts away on Sunday and marched on Venice Beach to protest the state’s medieval laws that require women to wear shirts in public. Of the 200 protesters, only 20 were actually women. That means 90% of this protest was male, but we still believe that 100% of them are American heroes.


  • Which came first – the chicken breast or the double entendre? (The Consumerist)
  • Their milkshakes brought all the protesters to the yard. (Parent Dish)
  • Women should totally be allowed to go topless in California. (LA Times)



  • Women with large breasts are the victims of a longtime lag in sports bra technology. What are the odds that the CEO of every sports bra company are men? (ABC News)
  • Leave it to our brave marines to bring attention to the growing number of cases of breast cancer in men. Semper fine work, fellas. (Wicked Local)
  • The liberation of Iraq has led to an economic boom in one certain industry. Want a hint? It’s porn. This isn’t a trivia game. (Lowell Sun)



  • When it comes to cosmetic surgery, the breasts are royalty. Breast augmentation is the number one procedure in the U.S., followed by liposuction and cosmetic eyelid surgery. That’s funny, I figured it would have been male drool reduction. (PR Web)
  • In America, 44% of women have a B cup size to lead the way, while the smallest group is the DD at 1%. That is, the natural DD for the breast purists out there. (Breast Options)


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