How Are Pastor Terry Jones and Fidel Castro Alike?

Senior Contributor
09.10.10 5 Comments

Tasty fresh wussiness!

They’re both waffling! Yes, it’s indecision time from both a brutal dictator and some loser in Florida at Uproxx News.

First up is Terry Jones. No, not the acclaimed historian and member of Monty Python. This is the idiot down in Florida who is going to hold a Quran-burning because he likes publicity is all upset over a mosque being located near Ground Zero, which people are opposed to because they haven’t bothered to actually look up what the kerfluffle is all about. Hey, did you know that they’re not actually building a mosque? And it’s not on Ground Zero, but two city blocks away? And that conflating Osama Bin Laden with every other Muslim is, in fact, incredibly retarded, kind of like saying all Chinese people look alike?

If the answer to all these questions is “no”, congratulations, you lack the capacity to think for yourself and are quite possibly a bigot. Also, you might be Terry Jones.

Anyway, despite the fact that members of the US military have flat-out stated that actually doing this would cause serious problems in areas where we have troops, and in fact he fielded a phone call from the Secretary of Defense (i.e. the guy who runs the Army), Jones was insisting on doing it.

Then, suddenly, he decided he wouldn’t, because, he claims, he was promised there wouldn’t be a Ground Zero Mosque! Then he realized that, no, they just wanted to try and explain to him politely that he was being an idiot. So he uncanceled it, but is saying it’s “suspended”, pending his analysis of how much more airtime he can wring out of this. You know, because Jesus totally said “Thou shalt be a media whore, and pick fights where you can safely hide behind somebody else and face no consequences for your actions.” That was totally, like, his message. For serious.

Leaving behind sarcastic blasphemy, let’s move on from mocking a clueless bigot to mocking an inexplicably-beloved dictator. I’m referring, of course, to Fidel Castro.

After spending about forty or so years trying to cram Communism down everybody’s throat and failing to do anything other than make a lot of Cubans miserable and nearly start a nuclear war, Fidel has finally admitted what’s obvious to pretty much everybody else: Cuban cigars are highly overrated.

Oh, yeah, also, that Communism isn’t working for Cuba. Of course, there’s the usual (and not entirely unreasonable) blaming of the US embargo, but apparently even Fidel is noticing that giving his people twenty bucks a day isn’t quite working out, especially since his brother Raul said that people need to work harder for less. Gee, we can’t imagine why this is not working out.

Unfortunately, Cuba isn’t considering letting go of an economic model that even a country with actual resources beyond nickel couldn’t sustain, just mostly grousing about how they’ve made their bed and have to lie in it. Probably because if there was any actual reform, most of the government would be up on charges. You know, just like the brutal dictator they deposed in the ’50s!

We’re sure that somewhere, Kennedy is laughing, and enjoying a fine Dominican.


  • Terry Jones tries to influence decisions made by people he has nothing to do with by insulting their religion. Because that’s what adults do! (MSNBC)
  • Castro admits what’s been obvious since around 1970. (Guardian)



  • In other news, a judge has ruled “don’t ask don’t tell” unconstitutional. Expect Glenn Beck to bellyache about “activist judges” on his chalkboard accordingly. (Yahoo!)
  • And in news sure to make Keith Olbermann bellyache, the co-founder of an Islamic charity has been convicted of smuggling funds to Islamic rebels in Chechnya, one of the hardest places to spell correctly (AP)



  • Roughly 2.8% of the men and women in uniform are gay. We have no data on how many are bi-curious, but according to our AdultFriendFinder program, a lot of the women are. Also they need our credit card number to make out. (Urban Institute)
  • Wonder what percentage of the world Terry Jones is offending with his little publicity stunt? About 20% of the world.  Good job, buddy.  (


Around The Web