How Much Cash Is Your Butt Worth?

Senior Writer
09.23.10 9 Comments

If you’ve found yourself sitting in front of the TV, witnessing the glory of a KFC Double Down commercial, then you’ve probably asked yourself, “Who is eating these things?” The answer is – well, not a lot of people actually. KFC sales were down 7 percent for the quarter, so their marketing team brainstormed for a bold, new strategy to help reach the masses. Just kidding, they chose hot girls.

KFC is paying girls at colleges across the country $500 a pop to wear form-fitting red sweatpants with the phrase “Double Down” right on their cabooses. But the purpose isn’t selling a sandwich that replaces a bun with two fried chicken breasts – at least not entirely. The company’s marketing team recently surveyed Americans between ages 18 and 25 years and they found that 60 percent of these young consumers don’t recognize Colonel Sanders. In fairness, 60 percent of the men in that age range also identified Wendy as “that chick with the rack from Mad Men.”

But while girls with great butts are handing out coupons for KFC, they handed a pink slip to a police officer in Moncks Corner, South Carolina. The officer in question had his squad car washed at a charity event called “Tits N Tats.” Use your imagination if the name is unclear. The officer would have got away with it if it weren’t for those pesky social networking sites. The photo above was pulled from his Facebook and was the cause of his termination. Meanwhile, a female Berkeley County sheriff’s deputy took part in the car wash on her own time and will not face reprimand. Fair shmair, I’m staring at the butts.

Finally, while I can truly appreciate a well-shaped bootay as the guys in my break dancing troupe call it, it’s important that women are safe if they’re resorting to cosmetic procedures to get a tush with a push. A very painful and very illegal injection procedure is being performed in places like Miami, Florida, where having a plump bump is like wearing a crown. A 54-year old woman was recently arrested for performing the injection procedures, despite the obvious fact that they’re against the law and also without one of those pesky… oh, what do they call them? They’re square and made of paper… oh yeah, medical license.


  • KFC is grasping at girls‘ butts to recapture America‘s youth. (USA Today)
  • Cop fired after Facebook photo surfaces of bikini babes on his squad car. (Post and Courier)
  • Butt-boosting injections are dangerous… but you‘ll get used to it, I promise. [With Video] (ABC)



  • Alumni of Texas A&M Commerce saw a picture of Lindsay Lohan wearing their shirt and they want to make sure that she never wears it again. How serious are they? They started a Facebook group. Don’t they know Lindsay only responds to criticism via Twitter? (KLTV)
  • Police in Cambridge, Massachusetts have added pictures of yoga poses to parking tickets as a means of helping people channel their rage after they figure out that they just got fined $40 for being 1 minute over on their meter. I recommend the “extended middle finger.” (WHDH)



  • The average pants size for an American woman is 14, which is also the number at which “plus sized” begins. More than 50 percent of American women represent the size 14, so tell those sexy, slender European supermodels that they need to eat a Double Decker or two. (AOL Shopping)
  • Don’t be so quick to question your woman’s girth, fellas. The average waist size for the American male is a 34, but seeing as I wear a 34 I think the more important question is: why are the majority of men in America trying to be exactly like me? (KGB Answers)


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