Once upon a time, in a Midwestern state called “Indiana” there was a man with a radio show. This man, moody and sad, wanted to be a leader and enact laws when he got older. A strangely practical wish, for sure, but this man was devoid of joy and did not understand how to have fun. This man’s name was Grumpy Mike Pence, and to try to spread his grumpiness to as many people as possible he hosted a weekend radio show called The Mike Pence Show (because obviously).
While hosting his radio show, Pence found an easy target, one that made countless children happy and increased diversity and representation in children’s movies. As many know, Disney’s Mulan is objectively about a heroic Chinese girl who enlists in the army to protect her weak and old father. She eventually saves the entire country from the Huns and falls in love with a fellow soldier along the way. But to Pence, this story held ulterior motives like convincing mass markets that women should be allowed equal opportunity to fight in the military.
Grumpy Pence probably thought that his opinions wouldn’t be discovered once he was elevated to one of the best thrones in the land, Governor of Indiana. For a time his opinions were not discovered and his loyal subjects focused on his other deeds like diminishing women’s health facilities and signing legislation that limited the rights of LGBTQ citizens. But then Grumpy Pence made a deal with Donald Trump to become even more powerful, and his old secrets were unearthed after all. According to the sprightly birds and other happy-go-lucky forest animals that investigate power across the land, Pence’s thoughts on Mulan should be no surprise based on his political history.
The words of Pence, uncovered by using a treasure finding method called “searching cached web pages” are as follows.
“Despite her delicate features and voice, Disney expects us to believe that Mulan’s ingenuity and courage were enough to carry her to military success on an equal basis with her cloddish cohorts. Obviously, this is Walt Disney’s attempt to add childhood expectation to the cultural debate over the role of women in the military.”
“I suspect that some mischievous liberal at Disney assumes that Mulan’s story will cause a quiet change in the next generation’s attitude about women in combat and they just might be right (Just think about how often we think of Bambi every time the subject of deer hunting comes into the mainstream media debate.)”
There are already many questions surrounding Mike Pence’s ability to lead, and this latest revelation further cements he and Donald as real-life Disney villains in a modern election cycle. Only time will tell whether, like the antagonists in Mulan, these men are beaten by a confident and intelligent girl when the story ends or whether they will rise to the most important throne in all the land.