No one knows where skinny jeans came from (don’t Google it, just trust me), but now that reports of a woman almost being murdered by her pair of very, very tight pants have surfaced, it’s probably safe to say they’ve either descended from space to take over the galaxy or ascended from the very depths of hell itself (for the same purpose).
According to The Daily Dot, which has done a fascinating deep dive into the murderous history of pants that literally need to be scraped on, the recent case of an Australian woman who was traumatized by her pants is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the violence that these sartorial horrors have caused. Here’s the most recent story:
A 35-year-old woman was paralyzed because of her skinny jeans, according to the Journal of Neurology Neurosurgery & Psychiatry. She collapsed in a park the day after she had been squatting in her jeans for a “protracted time” which “had damaged muscles and nerve fibres in her legs.”
And:
“Without medical treatment she may have ended up with permanent nerve damage affecting her ability to walk, and the muscle damage could have led to kidney damage but fortunately she was treated in time,” said Thomas Kimber, Associate Professor at the University of Adelaide in Australia.
Her jeans had to literally be cut off. And they were probably expensive.
But that’s not all: in addition to permanent nerve damage and possible kidney failure, skinny jeans have also been associated with twisted testicles (yay!), bladder weakness, and urinary tract infections. Don’t burn your pair of skinnies just yet, though. It looks like you’ll be fine as long as you wear the pants in moderation and leave enough room around the crotch for the entire thing to breathe. (This last part allegedly applies to men, but don’t you think every crotch deserves some fresh air?)
Good rule of thumb? If your pants parts are feeling tingly and it’s not due to normal circumstances, it might be time to get a pair of looser fitting jeans. Yeah, the tight, tight, tight look may be attractive, but is it worth the risk of permanent paralysis or death? Damn, who knew pants could be such a scary topic?
(Via The Daily Dot)