Tangentially related to this tell-tale “hair gel” photo from There’s Something About Mary, there’s a fairly glorious scene in Legally Blonde when Reese Witherspoon’s Elle Woods character turned masturbation on its head while discussing a case in which a sperm donor sought visitation rights. In doing so, Woods suggested that “all masturbatory emissions where [a man’s] sperm clearly was not seeking an egg could be termed reckless abandonment.” Perhaps it is in this spirit — involving double standards for males regarding reproductive rights — that a Texas lawmaker has proposed a monetary penalty every time a man masturbates.
Democratic Rep. Jessica Farrar knows that her bill won’t pass, but she’s making a point for abortion rights, particularly because Texas has closed clinics to make it more difficult for women to gain access to the procedure. So, Farrar penned “A Man’s Right to Know Act” (so named for a pamphlet given to abortion-seeking women in Texas). Males would be fined $100 upon each masturbatory emission (which adds up fast!), and men would also have to endure waiting periods for Viagra prescriptions and invasive procedures like vasectomies or colonoscopies. CNN has more from Farrar:
Farrar’s bill would penalize men for masturbation because such behavior is a failure to preserve the sanctity of life and “an act against an unborn child.”
Farrar has long been an advocate of women’s health in a state that has made it extremely difficult for women to get abortions. And the bill, by pointing out a sexist double standard, is meant to shine a light on the obstacles women deal with when it comes to their health care.
“Let’s look at what Texas has done to women,” Farrar told CNN. “What if men had to undergo the same intrusive procedures?”
You know what they say … everything is bigger in Texas. This means that the outrage over this bill may be unparalleled once U.S. Senator Ted Cruz gets a load of what’s going down in his home state. However, Cruz’s history with masturbation rights — seriously — is a complicated one. He once argued in favor of a sex-toy ban in all Texas shops because he saw (according to a legal brief written by clerks under his direction) “no substantive-due-process right to stimulate one’s genitals for non-medical purposes unrelated to procreation or outside of an interpersonal relationship.” (Note: Cruz’s college roommate was very amused by how much people change over the years.)
Perhaps Cruz would support for Farrar’s bill after all? Wow, this subject really promotes tangent jumping.