If you’ve been doing literally anything else with your life and haven’t been following the story, rapper RiFF RaFF (aka MTV RiFF RaFF, aka Jody Highroller) wants to be a WWE Superstar. Instead of going to wrestling school, building a name for himself and working his way up from the bottom, RiFF RaFF’s taking the lazy millennial route: get famous for something else, be friends with Hulk Hogan and keep insisting shit will happen until it does.
In less than a week he was TMZ Feuding with The Miz, and now he’s gone even farther. Here’s the “Neon Icon” deciding his WWE name via Twitter poll:
WE ARE PiCKiNG A @WWE WRESTLiNG NAME FOR RiFF RAFF
RETWEET FOR NEON iCON
FAVORiTE FOR JODY HiGHROLLER— RiFF RAFF / DALE DAN TONY / JODY HiGHROLLER (@JODYHiGHROLLER) January 6, 2015
The next step (because WWE is just an e-fed in real life) is deciding which moves you’ll do. Here’s the Neon Python looking at a bag of Skittles and coming up with his signature holds.
HERE ARE A FEW OF MY SiGNATURE NEON iCON WRESTLiNG MOVES iN THE @WWE:
"THE AQUABERRY BLAST"
"THE NEON KNEE BUSTER"
"LAMBORGHiNi LEG LOCK"— RiFF RAFF / DALE DAN TONY / JODY HiGHROLLER (@JODYHiGHROLLER) January 4, 2015
HERE ARE A FEW NEON iCON SiGNATURE WRESTLiNG MOVES iN THE @WWE:
"THE VERSACE PYTHON PiLE DRiVER"
"THE NEON SUMO SUNRiSE CHOKE SLAM"— RiFF RAFF / DALE DAN TONY / JODY HiGHROLLER (@JODYHiGHROLLER) January 4, 2015
NEON iCON SiGNATURE WRESTLiNG MOVES iN THE @WWE:
"THE RiNG AROUND THE ROSEY ROSE GOLD RiNG TOSS"
"NEON NECK STRANGLE"
"THE PEACH PANTHER"— RiFF RAFF / DALE DAN TONY / JODY HiGHROLLER (@JODYHiGHROLLER) January 4, 2015
NEON iCON SiGNATURE WRESTLiNG MOVES iN @WWE:
"THE AQUABERRY BLAST SPiNNiNG BACKFiST"
"THE GLOW iN THE DARK DOUBLE DRAGON"— RiFF RAFF / DALE DAN TONY / JODY HiGHROLLER (@JODYHiGHROLLER) January 4, 2015
Now that you’ve got THOSE figured out, you need a t-shirt. Can’t come up with an idea? Just paste your likeness onto a pre-existing shirt. Hey, it works for Pro Wrestling Tees.
Up next: a guest appearance in the Royal Rumble where you unexpectedly eliminate Daniel Bryan.
I’m kidding.
I said I’m kidding.
