Big news from THE SHEETZ today as WWE is wrangling its talent for a big meeting ahead of tonight’s show.
According to WWE sources, company officials have called an “all talent” meeting at 3:30pm EST tomorrow at Raw in Pittsburgh.
We aren’t insiders and have no idea what’s going on, so here are our ten best theories. If you have a better one, let us know in our comments section below.
1. Brock Lesnar has officially planned to no-show WrestleMania, meaning BACKUP PLAN ALPHA (or whatever they’re calling it) must go into effect. This could be as simple as Seth Rollins opening the show with the WWE World Heavyweight Championship on his shoulder, or as complex as Damien Sandow in Jimmy John’s shorts.
2. Vince McMahon finally got around to watching the past 8 months of Roman Reigns promos and did one of those exaggerated, big-eyed gulps. New WrestleMania 31 main-event: John Cena vs. Randy Orton. No explanation.
3. Vince believes Curtis Axel has a “really good point” about his Royal Rumble elimination.
4. They need to figure out which WrestleMania match will be cut to make time for Rob Gronkowski vs. MTV RiFF RaFF. Spoiler alert: a lot of deep sighing from the Bella Twins.
5. Vince feels very strongly that a member of the Dungeon of Doom should be head coach at the Performance Center. Jason Albert’s out, but who’s in? A show of hands will decide if newbies like Samoa Joe will be trained by The Zodiac, The Yet-tay or the corpse of The Shark.
6. They want to make sure everyone’s aware that the Divas hats with the ponytails attached are on sale at WWE Shop.
7. Nothing major, Vince just wants to go over the script for tonight’s Raw because he’s got some fresh new ideas, including “Divas match ends with distraction roll-up,” “The Usos fight the same team they’ve been fighting for three weeks,” and “Michael Cole speaks extensively about Lord Of The Rings.”
8. This is the annual meeting in which they hang Dolph Ziggler from the ceiling and beat him with sticks. Like a piñata, but sadder.
9. Everyone’s worried that Survivor Series 2014 won’t get any buys if they don’t build it properly. The next six months will be dedicated to making sure people pay to see Ziggler, Ryback and Rowan vs. The Authority from four months ago.
10. Vince is shutting down NXT and replacing it with Ring Of Honor. All NXT superstars will report to Smackdown except the women, who will be refitted for skirts and taught to stand at ringside looking unhappy until somebody hits or kisses them.
