A Summerslam Promo Video Has Leaked, Confirming Your Suspicions That Wrestling May Be Scripted

In case you missed RAW where Paul Heyman was all “Guys, I have a PLAN B. What else starts with a ‘B’ and rhymes with ‘Rock Fesnar’ because I have an idea that involves that, guys,” then this may come as a total shock to you.

Well hear this: Brock Lesnar is wrestling John Cena at Summerslam 2014. Since their last match happened two years ago, then WWE will probably bill this as a once in a lifetime sort of thing. But if you have memories like regular people then you’ll recall that Brock’s very first match back in the WWE in 2012 featured him damn near murder killing Cena in what was one of the top three matches of the year. Except for the ending when, you know, Cena Cena’d it and won because Cena. Basically, the match was the wrestling version of the Prestige where 99.4 percent of it is great and the ending sh*ts the bed to infinity.

Anyway, in 2014 WWE knows when it has a money match on its hands so YOLO. They’re releasing promo videos for Cena vs. Lesnar: Once In A Lifetime Again The Remix Electric Boogaloo before a Battleground event in which Cena’s title is on the line has even gone live. So we can probably assume that Cena is winning the main event and keeping the title. We can also assume that because Cena winning the main event is what you should always assume.

As for the upcoming match, my fantasy is that Brock goes out and destroys Cena in three minutes, wins the title and doesn’t show up on TV until The Royal Rumble or something. Just let Paul Heyman talk his sh*t and make Cesaro swing people who get pissed off about it. The worst part of all of this is the fact that we’re not getting Daniel Bryan vs. Lesnar, which would be all of my dreams coming true.

SummerSlam Main Event Leaked from TheRussianPolice on Vimeo.

In case you missed it, via Amazon: