Hello, and welcome to weekly Impact Wrestling coverage on With Spandex. And also welcome to me, LaToya Ferguson, your recapper and friend. This week’s episode is the go-home show for Genesis. You know Genesis — it’s that show they said nothing about any time before this, the go-home show. You can imagine my surprise when nothing happened on this show, all because everything had to be a video package either for a match either not on the actual show itself or for next week.
Now for some good housekeeping: You can follow me on Twitter here, With Spandex here, and Uproxx here. And don’t forget to watch Impact Wrestling on Pop at 8 pm on Thursdays so you can read these pieces and share them with the online world.
Previously: Dan Lambert kicked off Impact Wrestling.
EH: Summer Bummer
“Coming out of the Super X Cup victory over the summer, Dezmond Xavier has had nothing but momentum.” – Jeremy Borash
EH: Little Man Date
I wanted to enjoy this match fully, regardless of the result, but I think it suffered from the some of the same things the original Super X Cup Finals match did. Specifically, it wasn’t made to be a big deal, even though it’s supposed to be a big deal. Please, explain why every single thing on this show gets a recap or a video package except for the championship match that starts the show. This is also the rare Impact Wrestling episode that doesn’t even start with any form of content before the opening titles, so it’s clearly a conscious choice being made not to have this match be hyped up.
While Ishimori and Dezmond get into a groove as the match progresses, a lot of it feels off, especially after the original standstill between the two. For example, when they try to sell exhaustion — to build suspense or what have you — it doesn’t quite work. Though that’s more a problem of bad acting than when Ishimori starts kicking out of major moves, the most egregious being the Final Flash. That moment right there is an obvious rope break instead of kick out moment if ever there was one.
Luckily, the Impact crowd doesn’t react to that bullshit as such, but considering the lack of reacting to a lot of bullshit as such, that’s to be expected. Getting back to my point, this entire match is Ishimori and Dezmond (and the usual flat commentary) looking to sell EMOTION (or even EMOTION: Side B), but the fact that Impact Wrestling has done nothing to actually give either man a character or tell compelling stories about them prevented that. You know, the usual.
(By the way, my favorite “no wonder they’re booing you, dummy — you should not have kicked out” moment in recent years is Ryan Smile at the RevPro show during WrestleCon last March. He was just DESTROYED by Brian Cage and Michael Elgin and then — despite being by the ropes — he kicked out. It would have even made sense for his partner Shane Strickland to pull the referee or even him out. But with that moment, the crowd turned on Smile completely and deservedly so. This was also his US debut, and aside from the other match he had that day, he hasn’t wrestled in the US since.)
What’s even worse about how flat this match falls it that that’s it. There won’t be any follow-up to this, because Dezmond Xavier is on a tour of Japan for Dragon Gate now. Besides, while they introduced the idea of a frustrated Dezmond, that was a erased with him showing total respect to Ishimori after the match. This match mostly existed as a way to tie up any possible loose ends left from that whole Super X Cup thing, and now they’ll never have to mention it again. Unless Don Callis and Scott D’Amore think to do it again this summer and ask one simple question: “What if winning the Super X Cup actually means anything?” But we should wait to see if they’re still around come summer anyway.
EH: Sis Boom Bah
There are video packages (go figure) throughout this show specifically dedicated to the oVe/LAX feud. That’s actually a really great idea and an overall ACE. Except for the first time they do it, with bits collected from the build to and even after Bound For Glory. Because we’re selling this blood feud, hate-filled, gang warfare … and you have “Ohio tweaker” Dave Crist going on about 15 years of hard work while Ortiz (especially) and Santana talk about “stealing the show” or “creating moments.” Sounding like Dolph Ziggler/the Divas Revolution is the last thing this storyline should be doing.
Again, the rest of these video packages work because they stay more in character — and even though these were the build-up to Bound For Glory, oVe/LAX were far past a “creating moments” match even then — and even this particular package has some good moments. (See: Dave talking about the “secret weapon” of Sami; Santana’s acknowledgment he didn’t expect Sami to put him through a table, since he’d known him for years.) But you also have Ortiz talking about oVe/Sami Callihan as “definitely a new obstacle for us,” like he’s John Cena busting out a “fine speech” retort.
I don’t know who told Ortiz and Santana not to be in character for these — Homicide and Konnan are in character — but that should never be the case for these types of pre-taped interviews. Eli Drake’s Gravy Train Turkey Trot was an inconsequential episode, but even it knew to have the Thanksgiving memory interviews in character too … with the exception of Taya Valkyrie, who like LAX, didn’t get the message. The message should just be to stay in character.
EH: You Had To Be There
As previously mentioned, the next episode is apparently Genesis. This episode is the first time we hear any such hype, which is pretty impressive considering all the stuff they put into these shows in post-production.
EH: Double Exposure
This week, Impact gives up completely on even providing any set-up for the GWN flashback, but that’s far from the worst part of it. Basically, their send-off to the Grand Championship is to both show an Aron Rex match (and not even one with Jessie Godderz) and show a match where everything that can possibly goes wrong does. I’d say someone at Impact were trolling me, if not for the fact that would fly in the face of the general concept gleaned from this show every week: Literally no one cares enough to troll anyone. Except for maybe Joseph Park, but that’s more Stockholm Syndrome than anything else.
Let’s hit the “highlights,” shall we:
- We start with the first round already in progress, and once it’s over, Josh Mathews (and his “deep” 2016 voice) tries to say Aron won the majority of the round. The thing is — and the thing was with the entirety of his run as Grand Champion — is that his actual wrestling ability was greatly exposed, and during his time her, he couldn’t figure out a way to work a match to make it look like the scoring was a shoot. And we still had Josh Mathews on commentary, which means he’d be pretend to know what was going on and completely miss it. So when they immediately start showing replays — and all the replays are of Eddie Edwards dominating, because that’s how the round actually went — Josh has to backtrack. “All the highlights we’re seeing kinda lead you to believe Eddie Edwards won Round 1.”
- At 2:20 in Round 2, the lights go out. Impact Wrestling thought this was a good thing to re-air, and those who cry victimhood in defense of the company will find a way to defend such a choice. Even when the live crowd at the time chanted “PAY YOUR LIGHT BILL,” which of course is also in this clip. The times they choose to fast forward through clips are iffy, aren’t they?
- The biggest pop to come from this match is when the lights come back on.
- The match ends with the judges scoring, only for the scorecard with the result showing up before it’s actually announced. Then it disappears for a second before returning with the actual announcement. You even hear Josh Mathews muttering something about the production goof. Again, they chose to re-air this as a way to sell their streaming service and presumably endear themselves to audiences. Pop TV should have banned this from airing at all too.
I will forever be thankful for his TNA run confirming I wasn’t the one taking crazy pills when it came to seeing how mediocre Damien Sandow was. (Long story short, I always thought that for a guy playing an educated sophisticate, it was abundantly obvious he was just playing that. He mispronounced enough of the names of the brilliant minds he quoted to make that clear.)
EH: A Tall Tale
Another week, another question about Matt Sydal’s mental state. He says that EC3 seems “awfully worried” that he’ll beat him for the Grand Championship, which is another “FOOTAGE NOT FOUND” moment if there ever was one. (Like, the problem isn’t believing Sydal will win. That’s a duh. The problem is Matt Sydal making up a narrative that has yet to occur in this storyline.) But then he brings up “my own personal GENESIS,” and we should all just peace out. Let’s just run away and leave everything behind. I just … I feel like I’m banging my head against a wall here and this is my own personal REVELATION.
EH: Operation: Deja View
At first I thought this would just get a minor EH for a nitpick, but then I realized it falls yet again into Impact Wrestling now understanding how time or basic linear storytelling works. (Script supervisor, please!) From a structural standpoint (as usual), it probably makes sense to air the video package with quotes from a specific interview later in the episode, instead of right before the interview even takes place. Here, I’ll highlight the quotes that are in the video package, taken from the direct quotes of the interview:
“Laurel’s been playing these games. And I guess I’ve been playing along with her, but game time is over. I have not forgotten all of the things you did you me, Laurel. You treated me like crap. You treated me like a slave. You bullied me, you jumped me, you beat me up. And next week, I finally get my shot. One-on-one, with you. And I am taking that Knockouts Championship.”
These lines are powerful in the interview alone, and that particular segment is certainly an ACE. But to hear them right after hearing them in a video package eliminates that power altogether. It feels like a weird form of deja vu, where you’re wondering if it means Allie has used that promo before and possibly has no other material (which is not actually the case). Especially since the promo and the video package finally acknowledge the past history of Laurel and Allie, something that was a long time coming. The video package should have been a later part of the episode or — at the very least — not come any time before Allie’s interview segment.
EH: Weird Science
The offense that is Josh Mathews trying to say Jimmy Jacobs brought Kongo Kong into Impact Wrestling? Besides just not being correct — and it’s not like they tried to pretend they had no idea who Kongo Kong was when he was reintroduced, so it doesn’t even make sense — it’s such a lame attempt at anything.
You can’t just have Allie acknowledge Laurel’s horribleness and then ignore the fact that Kongo Kong was also a part of that. Look, Impact may have not done anything with Kongo Kong after his debut — as is their way — but no one can give me a backstory as cool as Sienna programming a monster to be a boyfriend/protector/Buffy Hellhound for her best friend and then try to erase it. Especially not you, Josh Mathews. Also, let’s talk more about how TNA/Impact Wrestling was definitely built on a Hellmouth. Because it explains SO MUCH.
EH: My Guy
I will admit that I am worried about the shelf life of Chandler Park, because I’m not quite seeing the upside of him not having an alter ego (which is different from “ALL EGO”) or only winning through Joseph Park interference (as his debut match suggested). The reason I assume he has no alter ego is because the concept of a Park alter ego would mean he’s also a monster. And I don’t know if I buy Ethan Page going full monster. I also don’t know if Chandler Park exists for any other reason than to put Joseph Park over — even after that practically immobile Bound For Glory performance — in order for Joseph to put Kongo Kong over.
ACE: Two’s Company
At least Chandler Park has a moment of offense before he gets completely crushed. After that, Jimmy Jacobs sells his disgust with Joseph and his glee with Kongo Kong’s destruction quite well. There are certainly things to enjoy about this storyline, wherever it may possibly lead.
ACE: Boy From The Hood
“THE SHED THAT AJ STYLES BUILT”
It should tell you a lot that such an insulting sign is able to get an ACE this week. It should tell you even more that Impact Wrestling kept finding away to have said sign in multiple video packages as well.
EH: Gimme A Brake
Well I already wrote about a lame Grand Championship match rerun being an embarrassment to air on television, so I’m sure you can guess the tone I’ll take with the Global Championship match!
The match begins with ironic “THIS IS AWESOME” chants. Actually, it sounds like ironic “THIS IS AWESOME” chants: According to live attendance reports, prior to the actual match, Eli Drake, Johnny Impact, and Alberto El Patron were playing to the crowd and Ultimate Warrior shaking the ropes. That right there is an ACE for a different promotion and different circumstances completely. They love to have fun, you know?
But let’s get to it, shall we? Of course there’s very poor indie lighting that’s not appropriate for an international television airing, airing on international television. However, the more important — and more shameful — aspect of it all is the shifty, loose ring ropes. With that, if they truly couldn’t fix them, they never should have aired this match on Impact. (I’m not saying the match shouldn’t have happened, because the BCW audience still deserved to see a match from these guys.) And honestly, this is such a terrible match — because of the circumstances — for such an arguably hot feud for the company.
Then, because it has to be verbally acknowledged, Josh Mathews says, “These things, happen, right” … only for Jeremy Borash to do his usual when it comes to responding to Josh Mathews’ commentary that calls for a response: not respond at all, and move on to his own point.
This match also employs the standard flash forwarding procedure for matches outside the Impact Zone (but not matches that are just supposed to get to purchase the Global Wrestling Network), which neither helps nor hurts the match. Because it’s very existence on the show is the hurt. As for the logistics of the match itself, you know how I’ve mentioned before that Johnny Impact’s offense takes a lot to actual sell as, well, effective? (And Eli Drake does a great job with that) Well here, because of the ropes, now he can’t even effectively run the ropes without looking slow, sad, and without any momentum at all.
Let me just say: The actual story and structure of this match? Would actually be really great within the Impact Zone. In that way, Impact Wrestling could stand to have matches work a little more like indies. The key is of course the finish, as all three men take turns removing the referee from the ring. Then because the ref finally gets hot at them, they all simultaneously SUPERKICK him. (EH forever at JB’s lame response to that being, “Triple Threat rules.” That means nothing in this context.) They get a new ref, but that also doesn’t last … and then the entire locker room bursts out. (ACE forever to Hakim Zane darting for Johnny — because he deserves revenge after that one time Johnny interrupted his lame promo — and immediately getting punched for it.)
The problem is, we have no reason to believe that or even understand why the BCW locker room would care enough about this match to try to stop the madness (with more madness). It’s an indie promotion, meaning the assumption is they’re really more guests than actual roster members. Obviously the three men in this match are guests, but we have no idea about the make-up of BCW to know who’s part of the roster/why they would care.
If this same match — with proper ropes — happens in the Impact Zone, with the same finish, it makes sense. The Impact roster would obviously be tired of Eli, Johnny, and Alberto’s shit at this point. The only hiccup is that that would require the Impact roster (in-character) to care about the company.
ACE: Two For The Road
This match succeeds in part to it not being a back and forth, 50/50 match like Laurel Van Ness versus KC Spinelli the week before. Here, without having her go toe-to-toes with the champ (or, a top contender), commentary points out (and the match actually goes along with the narrative) that Spinelli’s biggest strength is not her muscles, but her ability to have counters for the big moves. Sure, she’s never really able to capitalize on that defense to turn it into offense, but it allows her to last longer than she would otherwise. Also, KC Spinelli is clearly the new Braxton Sutter the B.S. Man. Meaning, I have just one question: What’s her deal?
However, the highlight to this match is the post-match promo, where Rosemary calls out both Laurel and (if necessary) Allie. She commends Laurel both for becoming “competent enough” to end up champion, and she even gives it up to the woman for living through and defeating her poison mist. Considering Rosemary’s poison mist fails have become a frustrating aspect of her character, it’s at least nice to see her give props to someone for manipulating that weakness.
As for Allie, of course she’s proud of her Bunny for becoming No. 1 Contender, but understandably, if Allie wins the championship, “[their] alliance won’t save [her.] It’s not a dissolution of their friendship, but it’s a necessary reminder that Rosemary isn’t getting soft.
EH: The Twins Get Fired
Look, she doesn’t even go here.
ACE? EH?: Cheater, Cheater
You know what, as this episode went on — and the more I really thought about it — I fell into the conspiracy theory camp that Pop TV (and Impact’s international networks, which suddenly went from being announced as airing the match to also refusing to air) never actually banned Barbed Wire Massacre III from airing. The biggest reason I could see from this match is the final spot, with the skewers, and that’s one of those things you can show a different shot during (like when Seth Rollins’ Curb Stomp became a crowd shot).
After seeing this match, I’m even more of the mind that it’s something that could have been aired, with the added note of “YOU CAN SEE THE FULL UNCUT MATCH ON GWN/TWITCH/IMPACTWRESTLING.COM.” We’ll probably never actually know, but once they started with the video packages which included (what would have to be very recent) talent talking about how Pop banned the match, I started to really question the legitimacy. But I’m not going to dwell, because I don’t want to end up like this cautionary tale:
https://twitter.com/hulkhogan/status/125437560418865152
EH: Stop In The Name Of Fun
Let me just get it out of the way now: It’s lame that this match has barely a drop of blood in it. Both because of the whole “too hot for TV” thing and because after all the hype — and all the barbed wire — there is no logical reason for the lack of blood. That adds to a weakness in this match, obviously. Jake Crist is in all white, which you would think would mean something, in terms of blood foreshadowing. Nope.
Let me also get this out of the way: Jeremy Borash and Josh Mathews add to the weakness of this match, because they have absolutely no idea how to sound excited about anything. Ever. At all. This match is supposed to be barbaric, shocking — again, “too hot for TV” — and it’s as though Impact Wrestling goes out of its away to deny the match of that.
ACE: For The People
The match itself, the actual hype and build-up, etc. That’s all good. As I was worried beforehand about this match being too brutal for me, the lack of blood ruined all of that. But spots like Homicide and Sami Callihan bringing forks to a barbed wire fight and the final Dave Crist skewers spot are still worth it. Again, oVe vs. LAX works because it’s just a non-stop car crash. It also works almost in spite of the rest of what it’s given to work with. And as you can see, that’s really not a hell of a lot.
Now it’s your turn. Please don’t forget to share this recap and also comment, because I actually love reading comments. (Crazy, right?)
