Hello, and welcome to weekly Impact Wrestling coverage on With Spandex. And also welcome to me, LaToya Ferguson, your recapper and friend. Thankfully, unlike the previous episode, this is a pretty tight episode — to the point where I wrote half of what I usually write — with actual things to enjoy without grasping at straws. However, like the previous episode(s), commentary is not one of those things to enjoy.
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Previously: We learned that Genesis would be happening this week.
Disclaimer: Land Of Confusion
By the time this recap drops — and for a little while after that, given Impact Wrestling taping schedules — you’ll already know the score. Despite appearing on the program, EC3 is no longer a member of the Impact Wrestling, and what’s more, he’s now an NXT Superstar. In terms of shocking the system, it doesn’t do that at all, but it’s going to be worth acknowledging at I make it through EC3’s final days of Impact.
EH: Misunderstanding
Josh Mathews compares Matt Sydal to GUMBY in this match, which is a choice. I could also address that Josh Mathews needs to stop saying anything on this show is “TRENDING WORLDWIDE,” as: 1. Considering the show is very pre-recorded, this is a social media gamble they really shouldn’t make. 2. Based on the ratings, that’s probably not the case, outside of Barbed Wire Massacre 3.
But the point I really want to address is how the crowd barely sees Sydal as the face in this feud here either. Because while EC3 is doing all the exaggerated choke miming, the crowd is joining him in it. They even chant “CHOKE” at him. Obviously, they don’t have the backstage interviews to color their mind about this story, but they have been here for the tapings; and again, all they’ve seen in EC3 beating Sydal fair and square and Sydal jumping EC3 in the middle of matches.
ACE: Turn It On Again
Despite one-half of the the build-up to this match, the reasons for its existence, and the circumstances necessary for it to even happen, this is a good match. Despite the way the crowd responds to it, EC3’s “CHOKE” gestures are such beautiful douchebag jock heel mannerisms. And it’s no surprise he loses, because he’s SO committed to doing the bit instead of actually focusing on winning. It’s the obvious conclusion, but the match isn’t phoning it in — and the lack of phoning it in really is key to Genesis, despite it being a barely-hyped special event episode.
ACE: Tell Me Why
Due to the Six Sides of Steel main event, Impact Wrestling obviously chooses to show another Six Sides of Steel match in the GWN Flashback slot. And even more obviously, they choose to show the most iconic Six Sides of Steel match in the company’s history, Triple X versus America’s Most Wanted. Yes, it was a Turning Point match and this is Genesis, but that’s not the point right now.
I’m actually surprised Pop TV didn’t deem it “too hot for TV,” as they’re way more blood on the canvas than there was in Barbed Wire Massacre 3. To this day, I still think Elix Skipper is going to die anytime I see any part of the match. I mean, I know he won’t die, because he didn’t. BUT HE COULD. And when was the last time you heard a “BEST MATCH EVER” chant in Impact Wrestling? Seriously? Or any chant as inspired or passionate as that?
Also: “THERE’S TOO DAMN MUCH AT STAKE?” Remember what it was like to have this company have commentators who cared about the matches and getting the wrestlers over? Instead of just wanting to get themselves over, assuming they cared at all? This match is that, at its purest. It’s beautiful. I mean, I too am reading Brandon Stroud’s NWA-TNA flashback recaps, and at least he hasn’t had to deal with Mike Tenay and Don West being bored with everything they were witnessing. Yes, they were confused — as we all were and still are — but at least they sold it like it was something worth watching. That’s how they tricked us with those weekly pay-per-views.
For some reason, however, this is the one GWN Flashback they don’t put on the damn YouTube.
EH: No Reply At All
After two weeks of reverting back to the unpleasant heel version of himself, I guess Josh Mathews just decided to stop that. So he’s back to having a caustic bland personality.
EH: Invisible Touch
This was probably my most anticipated match, yet I spent the whole time wondering what was off about the match. I thought that maybe the problem was that Laurel Van Ness has become too lucid, but then I remembered she had to be lucid-ish in order for the Laurel/Allie feud to actually work on. Then I thought that maybe it was because Allie’s wrestling was pretty much at its final form and that was surprising, but considering the story going into this match, it made sense. So in terms of the actual match, an ACE. But there’s a reason it’s so hard to give it that praise on its own individual note.
Because then I realized it was due to the actual fact commentary just completely gave up on any attempt of play-by-play, and even worse, stopped speaking completely for stretches of time. Again, Jeremy Borash never wants to have a conversation with Josh Mathews, and neither man has anything substantial to add (except maybe one out of every 1,000 sentences).
The commentary certainly did way too much harm to it than should be allowed. Commentary matters. The idea to just mute a match if you don’t care for commentary has always been stupid, because at the same time, we always learn how important the sound of the crowd or even the sounds from the wrestlers themselves. All of these things are supposed to work in concert together, and Josh Mathews and Jeremy Borash have done nothing but hurt the quality of matches in Impact Wrestling for far too long. Why are we ever even talking about the six-sided ring when this is an actual problem to making any of the talent look like they’re worth a damn.
ANYWAY, I am curious to see if the following episodes provide a good reason for Laurel to retain the championship here instead of Allie winning. Because the only title win on this show essentially being a pawning off to take to the scrap yard isn’t exactly comforting.
ACE: Keep It Dark
We’ve seen this one before, but Lashley and Moose trying to out-big man athlete each other is always fun. (And yes, I did use the Genesis song “Keep It Dark” because they’re both black. I can do that.) Especially when Lashley BUSTS OUT A HURRICANRANA LIKE IT’S NOTHING. This and the main event are a toss-up between the most fun match, but this has the edge due to its sprint-like nature. The talking point about Moose wanting to be known as “Mr. Impact Wrestling” is a nice one. So imagine if it was actually the storyline we got all these months instead of the American Top Team thing. Speaking of …
EH: Robbery, Assault And Battery
After all this time, the thing that gets Lashley to turn on Dan Lambert is … KM’s existence, I guess? KM really isn’t doing anything this show that hasn’t been done by American Top Team since … holy crap, last summer. And Lashley hasn’t really had any character development or introspection at all to explain his turn against Lambert and his seeing the light.
This stupid storyline is over. It was worth nothing. Lashley isn’t elevated as a result of this — and he’s out the door. KM isn’t elevated as a result of this — because American Top Team is also out the door. Moose isn’t elevated as a result of this — because Moose has beaten Lashley before. Actually, I assume this is probably supposed to be Lashley passing the torch to Moose to be the new Lashley, but we’ve been doing that since … holy crap, last summer.
ACE: Counting Out Time
I’m throwing an ACE this match’s way simply for being inconsequential, pleasant, and better looking for the company than last week’s excursion. Let’s not get into this being a B.S. excuse for one of the “four” title matches on the card or there really being no story from commentary or no explanation about the lack of Cult of Lee of it all, etc.
EH: Many Too Many
Jeremy Borash legitimately says “for all intensive purposes” during the main event. There, I’m done with commentary for this week.
ACE: Entangled
After last week’s shitshow — I’d call it a literal shitshow, but I still hold on very deeply to words like “literal” having meaning — we get this, the final (or “final,” given Impact Wrestling’s history) Six Sides of Steel match.
This match actually works pretty well to make you think Eli Drake will lose, especially when he starts things off by taking the Global Championship from Poor Man’s Poor Man’s Dan Hedaya referee and runs around the outside of the cage to taunt the audience. It’s like the last grasp moment of a wrestler to taunt and prove he’s relevant, only for him to lose the title after all this showboating. Of course, since you have dumb, “doin’ it for the fans” babyface and dumb, “I really think I’ll just walk outside the door” “tweener” Alberto El Patron in this match, Eli wins.
While Johnny would obviously have problems with Chris Adonis interference regardless of whether he’d done the crossbody off the top of the cage, the fact that he does do that spot allows for him to get back to the bottom and back on the same level as Eli. So, his need to impress the fans is his own undoing.
Not in the case of the parkour wall walk though, because that’s still cool.
This match also allows Chris Adonis to do something worth remembering in his final moments in the company. That’s kind of miraculous when you really think about it.
ACE: That’s All
R.I.P. again, six-sided ring.
Now it’s your turn. Please don’t forget to share this recap and also comment, because I actually love reading comments. (Crazy, right?) Also: Peter Gabriel > Phil Collins.
