The Best And Worst Of WWE Smackdown Live 6/6/17: Pray For Mojo


Previously on the Best and Worst of Smackdown Live: Brandon Stroud briefly took over writing duties for the column, meaning we’re supposed to hate everything now and Dolph Ziggler is the worst. Wait, he’s writing this week, too? And I’m him? Ah, crap.

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And now, the Best and Worst of WWE Smackdown Live for June 6, 2017.

Best/Worst: Ladder Match Loopholes

This week’s episode begins with the unveiling of the Smackdown women’s Money in the Bank briefcase, which is a metal briefcase so silver it belongs wrapped around the head of Steve ‘Mongo’ McMichael. Naomi shows up and says she wishes she could be in the match. That brings out Lana — formerly a higher-up in the Russian government, now a sexy breakdancer or whatever — to say she also wishes she could be in the match, and demands a spot. Naomi rightfully points out that Emmalana’s never beaten anybody, and she’s sent away from the ring in a huff while everyone laughs at her.

My first point of contention is that while we ALL wish Naomi could be in the match, I don’t really feel like Naomi should wish it. It presents the Dolph Ziggler Corollary, in which a wrestler who is supposed to be really wrestling on a real wrestling show wants to “have good matches” instead of winning. Dolph’s always going on about how he’s going to “steal the show,” which should be a worthless statement. Why would any wrestler care how objectively “good” their match is? Doesn’t that suggest back-and-forth and lots of drama, which makes it harder for them? Shouldn’t they just want to win? I know that’s a nitpicky, Jim Cornette-ass thing of me to say, but the more you think about it, the more it makes sense. It’s 2017 and I’m down with knowing Naomi the Character and Trinity Fatu are different people, but I also think it wouldn’t be terrible to clearly give Naomi and Trinity Fatu different statements and goals. The only reason I could think that she’d want to be in the match as Naomi the Character is to keep someone else from getting a magical briefcase that can end her title reign out of nowhere. Otherwise, why does she want to climb up and fall off ladders? That shit’s dangerous. I also could’ve accepted, “this is dangerous and I’m glad I’m not in the match, but I’d be so much better at this than the rest of y’all.”

Anyway …

The opening segment leads into a hotly contested (?) Backlash rematch between the heels and the faces. As you might’ve guessed, Lana shows up again, trips Naomi on the apron and sets her up for a Tamina superkick and a loss. Tamina’s Faces of Fear kick is as good as her splash is bad.

Because of this, Naomi goes to Shane McMahon and books herself into a Smackdown Women’s Championship match with Lana at Money in the Bank.

That brings us to the second problem. Why are any of the women in the match trying to compete in this dangerous-ass ladder match when all they have to do to get a women’s title match is piss off the champion? Lana has done exactly one (1) offensive move in her Smackdown career and is now getting a one-on-one championship match on pay-per-view. Every heel on the show should be running up to Naomi backstage and punching her in the back of the head. And yeah, I know Money in the Bank gives you an opportunistic shortcut to the title, but shouldn’t that dissuade at least half the people in the match — the faces — from wanting it? What’re they gonna do, win the briefcase and announce their shot a la Rob Van Dam and John Cena? Why not just say “Hey Naomi, I would like a title shot” and very quickly, effortlessly get one? Or hell, do both. I’ve always wanted to see someone win Money in the Bank and then win the championship on their own merits, then let the briefcase expire just to keep someone from jumping them and stealing the belt.

Again, I know I’m breaking this down too much, but the fact that even the good WWE show doesn’t answer or address these questions is just kind of a bummer. And it’s fun to talk about logistical loopholes for the good show instead of having to joke about how Razor Ramon beat up Big Cass so you don’t drown yourself in the tub.

Best: Mojo Nono

One of the best moments of the show for me was the backstage segment with Mojo Rawley, in which Mojo — using his serious, inside voice for maybe the first time ever — explained to Shane McMahon how hard it’s been to be the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal winner and just sit on the bench watching everyone else get opportunities. Instead of complaining about it, he talks to his boss, explains himself, makes cogent sense (again, possibly for the first time ever) and gets an opportunity. He also points out that he’s the only person on Smackdown to beat Jinder Mahal since Jinder went nuclear, so Shane puts him in a one-on-one with Jinder. If Mojo wins, he gets into the Money in the Bank ladder match. If Smackdown’s gonna hammer that Land of Opportunity thing like it’s Raw’s Change The Face Of The New Era, it’s good to see them follow through on it when it comes up.

Here’s more good news: WWE’s taking steps to validate Jinder Mahal’s random title reign, and they’re doing a great job. His entrance theme’s translated lyrics are maybe the greatest thing in the world, featuring shit M. Bison might say like, “no mother has given birth to a child that can stop me,” and his ring entrance rules. He shows up masked, then causes PUNJABI INFLUENCE to the stage as he walks.

It’s the ring entrance equivalent of that Dario Cueto shot at the end of the Lucha Underground season 1 finale montage.

Times have changed, so Mega Jinder wrecks Mojo and puts him away in like four minutes thanks to his breakneck combination of veins and cruiserweight interference. It’s a nice way to explain Mojo’s absence on the show since WrestleMania and a way to address the difference in Championship Jinder and the version Mojo could skunk.

My only complaint is that Mojo didn’t somehow win and get into the women’s match by mistake. Imagine him running around in circles for 20 minutes, not hitting anyone or having any idea what’s going on or what to do.

Worst: Try To Stay Awake During Randy Orton’s Response

“I do not need words to explain my situation with Jinder Mahal, Renee, because the fact of the matter is that I am Randy Orton, and what this means to me is that words are not as thorough as actions, so between now and Money in the Bank I will say no words; in fact, I will instead defeat Jinder Mahal in the announced match because I am Randy Orton. Furthermore-“

By The Way, Enjoy Jinder Mahal’s Title Reign While It Lasts, Because, Dot Dot Dot

Jinder Mahal and Kevin Owens should consider taking a personal day on the 4th.

Best: Fandango’s Clear Statement On Romp-hims

Same.

“What is this fabric?” makes me laugh so hard. It’s the new “you’re not even a real journalism.” Also, points for a guy wearing a tie with no shirt and a hat like he’s Yogi Bear throwing shade at male rompers.

Other great moments in the Breezango/New Day meeting include New Day not being able to understand telepathy, New Day being able to tell they’re suddenly in black and white, Big E’s “we’re black … and white” remark and “new case rocks.” I’m happy to see New Day get to work with other people who are funny — Breeze, Fandango, the Usos — so they aren’t just asked to stand in the middle of the ring for 20 minutes and scream shit until we laugh. Oh, also, the Xavier Woods/Tyler Breeze friendship is well documented, and I want to see them acting like idiots together forever.

Best: God Bless Jimmy And Jey Uso

How sad must the Colons be? They spend all that time on Raw, only showing up when New Day has to easily beat somebody, and then they FINALLY get traded to the “Land of Opportunity” only for New Day to follow them. I like them as the competent jobber team that at least makes you try, but you know it’s rough when you yearn for the days when Vince McMahon was dressing you like a bullfighter and having you be friends with a bull, making you the worst bullfighters ever.

So yeah, New Day gets a strong win over the Colons, and we move on to the most important part of any Smackdown: the sudden, undeniable charisma volcano that is the Day One Ish Usos. I can’t even explain how much I love them right now. I want Smackdown to just be two hours of New Day standing in the middle of the ring confused while the Usos drag them.

Eh: Killing Time

Last week’s show ended with Dolph Ziggler getting a surprising and surprisingly clean victory over AJ Styles in Styles’ hometown (area). It wasn’t that great of a match and was weirdly short, but it was a good call to help rehab Ziggler after everything between Survivor Series 2014 and like, now.

This week, we kinda erase that by having Ziggler (1) lose to Styles cleanly (2) in another short, unspectacular match that couldn’t have gotten any momentum if it wanted to because of the commercial in the middle (3) that immediately goes to 50/50 booking and (4) only seems to be happening to kill time during the Money in the Bank cycle. It’s certainly a dulled complaint when all I’m saying is, “the match wasn’t great and feels kinda pointless,” but that should never, ever be happening with AJ Styles.

I’m guessing we get the rubber match next week, so I hope they actually give this one some time, and Ziggler and Styles figure out how their in-ring work fits together so it’s not sloppy and awkward.

Best: King Of Ska Style

Baron Corbin shows up and punches him, which makes it even better.

Worst: “First Time Ever!”

… except for that time they wrestled in Ring of Honor. And that time they wrestled on WWE live events in Tokyo.

I don’t want to bag on the match too much because like the rest of the show, it wasn’t great, but it wasn’t bad. There just really wasn’t a lot going on. There’s no drama in the match, Owens appears to be running on auto-pilot, the entire thing’s only around 10 minutes and the finish doesn’t even build. It just kinda happens. Owens loses clean, because being a champion in WWE makes you terrible at winning matches.

After the match, Baron Corbin shows up and instantly kills Nakamura, who didn’t even get a shine off beating the shit out of Owens. Like how an AJ Styles match should never feel average and pointless, KEVIN OWENS vs. SHINSUKE NAKAMURA shouldn’t be something you’re going through the motions with to set up a Baron Corbin angle for a brand-specific pay-per-view. And it’s very Raw to have the same guy pin the champion three weeks in a row. I know you want a United States Championship feud after this, but shit, shouldn’t Nak just already be the champ? How many times does the champ have to look like he sucks before you think we’ll buy Nakamura as a viable challenger? Am I crazy?


Best: Top 10 Comments Of The Night

Gutterpanda

“Ya know Baron, these two met once before at Ring of Honors war of the worlds”
“WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?!!?”

FeltLuke

Did Sami forget to watch video on Corbin? Because he REALLY should have seen this coming.

AddMayne

Alicia Fox and Jinder should really get their children together for a playdate. It’s important for Noam to make friends.

Mark Silletti

I want to take the Fashion Files behind a middle school and get it pregnant.

pdragon619

Shane:….well that is technically true, you Mojo Rawley are the only man on my show who’s beaten the WWE champion…now please excuse me while I spend the next hour and a half violently pinching myself

Redshirt

So an ambitious rookie asking for a chance is rewarded with ridicule and dismissed in favor of established superstars.
WWE: Then, Now, Forever.

The Real Birdman

Nak matches aren’t hard to figure out Sami. Lots of knees and a suplex

Frank Ducks

I want to watch an entire segment that’s just cool white guy dad Shane reading urban dictionary entries on “snatch her bald”

Slumdog_prince

ya know, WWE? You can do all this stuff and still call him “King of Strong Style”.

LUNI_TUNZ

Jinder: “Be quiet when the maharaja is speaking… oh. I see you have that part down.”

And that’s it for this week’s show. Be sure to drop down into our comments section to let us know what you liked or didn’t like, and click those social share buttons to spread the word on the column. Even with the criticisms and a below-average episode, Smackdown still kicks Raw’s ass. Let’s see if that happens next week when Brock Lesnar returns.

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