The Wrestling Episode is our cleverly-named feature wherein we watch non-wrestling shows with wrestling episodes and try to figure out what the hell’s going on in them. You’d be surprised how many there are. You can watch the episode on YouTube here. If you have any suggestions on shows that need to be featured in The Wrestling Episode, let us know in our comments section below.
I’ve Never Heard Of The Sopranos. What Is It?
I’m not talking about The Sopranos, this week’s edition of The Wrestling Episode is about Cars Toons: Mater’s Tall Tales, a series of Disney Channel short films fleshing out the extended universe of the best part of its company’s worst intellectual property.
Can we talk about The Sopranos instead? I would rather talk about The Sopranos.
Unless I missed the episode where a series of comedic mishaps leads to Tony having to take on the Nasty Boys or whatever, you’re stuck with Cars Toons: Mater’s Tall Tales, the for-some-reason continuing story of what would happen if you remade the Michael J. Fox film Doc Hollywood with a box of Hot Wheels.
Anyway, the Disney Pixar Cars films deal with how NASCAR would work in a world where every living creature is a car. Humans are cars, animals are cars, insects are cars, and they just drive themselves around without passengers. Riffing on how little sense this universe would take up the entire column and has already been done, but yes, it’s a complete existential nightmare, and yes, there were multiple World Wars fought in-universe between Axis and Allied car soldiers.
And There’s A Wrestling Episode?
Yes, and I’m sad it’s from 2010, before Sin Cara debuted. So it’s Cars sin Sin Cara. I wish they’d included his early days and shown him in Chik-cara.
The only two characters you need to know from the Cars universe are:
- Lightning McQueen, a champion race car who throughout the films learns a number of valuable life lessons, including how to find a guy who kinda sounds like Owen Wilson so you don’t have to spend Owen Wilson money on your hastily licensed and produced cartoon, and
- Tow Mater, a hillbilly tow truck voiced by Larry the Cable Guy, the hillbilly tow truck of stand-up comedians
As you might’ve guessed from the title, the plot of every Cars Toons: Mater’s Tall Tales is that it’s a Cars cartoon (natch) about Mater claiming he did a bunch of shit he didn’t do. How’d they get Larry the Cable Guy to agree to play a dumb character who lies to his audience about what an impressive redneck he is?
In this episode, Lightning McQueen comments on the size of a monster truck driving by, and Mater, experiencing a severe case of stick shift envy, claims he “used to ‘rassle trucks bigger’nat.” He used to be a “monster truck wrestler,” and the rest of the cartoon is increasingly ridiculous clips of a tow truck in a luchador mask using awkward car wrestling to defeat other, bigger, occupationally-dressed cars. And here I thought Lucha Underground was hard to explain.
Wait, How Do Monster Trucks Even Wrestle?
Have you never seen WCW Halloween Havoc ’95?
Like nearly every edition of The Wrestling Episode, writers of non-wrestling shows think it’s impossible to succinctly describe the sport(-entertainment) to a new audience, so they pretend WWE is a traveling event with local sign-ups and 12-round matches where you lose if you fall down in any way for three seconds.