CM Punk Is Now Writing Thor Comics For Marvel, Because Any Job Beats Wrestling

Since his premature departure from WWE in January, CM Punk has worn many hats: hockey celebrity, red carpet analyst, backup singer, Walking Dead expert … pretty much everything that isn’t “pro wrestler.”

Add “comic book writer” to the list. According to Comic Book Resources, Punk will make his Marvel Comics writing debut with Thor Annual #1, scheduled for release in February 2015.

It’s no secret that Punk’s a comic book nerd. He yelled The Thing’s signature “It’s clobberin’ time!” battle cry during his ring entrance, and rocked a Marvel tee for his mark photo (in whichever direction, or both) with Bill Simmons. Here’s the story:

The story, illustrated by “Chew” co-creator Rob Guillory (his first Marvel work), focuses on the younger incarnation of the thunder god introduced by Jason Aaron and Esad Ribic in the “Thor: God of Thunder” ongoing.

“The only thing [Jason Aaron] said to me was, ‘I need a story about young Thor. Tell me what you think,'” Punk told Marvel about how he developed his story. “And the first idea that popped into my mind was the first thing I pitched to him, and he said he loved it, so we’re running with it.

“The idea was, let’s do a story about young Thor as kind of a brash, bratty teenager who’s like, ‘I’m totally worthy of this hammer. My dad’s full of [expletive]. I don’t know why I’m not “worthy” of the hammer. Look at all this cool stuff I did.’ And it’s more or less like a drinking story. He’s gonna be sitting around with a few choice characters from the Marvel Universe, and they’re all gonna be drinking, and Thor’s gonna basically be complaining about essentially why his dad won’t give him the keys to the car.”

And Punk isn’t done with this story. The former world champ also tells that this short story is just the first step in his plan to beocme a full-on Marvel writer.

Better ideas for Punk-written Thor comics:

1. Thor leaves Earth forever and returns to Asgard. Earth spends the next 30 issues commenting on how “happy and healthy” he looks there.

2. Loki encounters the female Thor, yells in her face. “YOU HAVE A VAGINAAAAA.”

3. Thor beats up Bacchus for not being straight edge.

No matter what happens, Balder’s about to look a hell of a lot like Colt Cabana.