Hello Impact fans and curious rubberneckers! I’m Elle Collins, and this is the Knockout Report. I’ll fill you in on everything that happens in Impact Wrestling, but I’m always going to lead with the Knockouts Division, because they deserve it. You can follow me on Twitter here, With Spandex here, and Uproxx here. You can watch Impact Wrestling on Pop every Thursday at 8 p.m. Then on Fridays, read this column and share it with everyone you know.
Last week in Mexico City, Tessa Blanchard won a hard-fought match against Faby Apache, and Kiera Hogan shined in a tag match.
Without further ado, here’s the Knockout Report for October 4, 2018.
Scarlett Bordeaux Is In The Arena
She didn’t wrestle, though. She just showed up to make Don’s water bottle spurt suggestively, and also to scout for a wrestler to manage. Her talent search that was vaguely announced last week is much more defined now: She wants to find a male wrestler and coach him to the championship. I’m curious to see who that’s going to be and how it’s going to go, especially since every man who’s fallen under her infernal sway so far has been led only to humiliation. Maybe that will change when she focuses all her attention on one guy, or maybe he’ll be doomed too.
Later on backstage, Scarlett ran into Jack Evans and Puma King, but doesn’t seem particularly drawn to either of them. Then she spent more time with Petey Williams and Trevor Lee, but Trevor got creeped out when Petey went to put his head between Scarlett’s legs while demonstrating how a Canadian Destroyer works. Although she asked them both to leave after they started to fight, either of these guys could work as Scarlett’s pick to manage. I’d be more excited if it was Trevor, because he’s so rarely gotten enough to do on Impact, but Williams could be fun too. More than likely though, Scarlett will audition some more guys next week and nothing will actually happen for a long time. Is it deliberate that every story they tell with Scarlett is a tease, since she’s portrayed as the ultimate tease herself?
Su Yung Defeated Kiera Hogan
I should have known where this was going. I got so excited last week when Kiera got so much shine in her tag match and even got to pin Su. I thought maybe this was the beginning of Kiera’s push. But ultimately this is still a story about Allie, and Kiera’s great showing last week was just setting her up for a bigger fall. Don’t get me wrong, she looked great in this match too, but Su’s already dangerous enough and then the Undead Maid of Honor got involved and that was pretty much that.
Su’s not been entering with the full coterie of undead bridesmaids lately, which is a good move just for keeping the ringside area from being way too crowded, but it also set up the end of this match perfectly. After Su defeated Kiera, she raised her arm to summon the bridesmaids, and when they appeared with the coffin it was creepier than it’s been in a long time. We know what this means now, and it’s all the more unsettling for being unexpected.
Allie knows what it means too, and her desperation to stop Su from putting Kiera in that coffin was palpable and real. But Kiera had agency of her own, and the last thing she wanted was for Allie to take a Mandible Claw and end up in the coffin in her place. When she knocked Allie out of the way, she doomed herself, and into the box she went. I only hope she’s not gone for too long.
Allie’s Mission Has Failed
Allie has made it clear that she only has one goal: To stop Su Yung from putting anyone else in a coffin. But not only did Su do exactly that, she did it to Allie’s last surviving friend and ally. Allie’s post-match stairwell breakdown was understandable and heartbreaking. She said she knows what she has to do, but she didn’t look thrilled about doing it. Is Dark Allie about to get darker? Is the Rosemary face paint coming back?
And for that matter, what about Rosemary herself? When she left the show back in May with an ACL injury, reports put her expected return “close to November,” and now here we are with the Allie/Su storyline that sprang from her onscreen death coming to an apparent climax in mid-October. I don’t usually play the predictions game in this column, but if we don’t see Rosemary at Bound For Glory, I bet we see her on TV not long afterward.
If Allie defeats Su in some big final sense, will all the people who’ve been coffined return? Is Madison Rayne free to film for Impact again, now that her Mae Young Classic obligations are fulfilled? I don’t know the answer to that, or exactly when Rosemary will be cleared, but you have to admit that Rosemary, Madison, and Kiera all emerging from the darkness to help Allie finally take down Su Yung would be a hell of a moment.
Meanwhile, In Guyville
Matt Sydal Defeated Rich Swann
A mystery man appeared and power bombed Rich Swann to help Sydal get the pin. It turned out to be Ethan Page, so that’s happening! Backstage later, they challenged Rich to find a partner for a tag team match.
Dave Crist is Freaking Out, Man
You know how much I love the mystical aspects of Impact, so Dave yelling “They have magical powers!” about the Lucha Brothers and Sami refusing to believe it is exactly my jam.
La Parka Defeated Eli Drake By Count-Out
So Eli made an open challenge to all of Mexico City’s luchadors, and a certain legendary skeleton character answered the call. Drake never stood a chance, and ultimately fled the ring to take the count-out, but it was fun just seeing La Parka show up and beat up on Eli for a minute.
Murder Clown Defeated Joe Hendry
Speaking of guys who never stood a chance, Joe Hendry is great at making funny music videos, and don’t get me wrong he’s good at wrestling too. He’s no match for a monster clown, though, and Katarina knew it.
Moose is Officially Creepier Than Samoa Joe
I’m just saying, Moose isn’t taking selfies with a mailbox. He literally kidnapped Alisha Edwards and held her captive above an abandoned bar. Naturally Eddie showed up with his faithful kendo stick Kenny (yes, he’s really named it), and it turns into a brawl with Moose and Killer Kross. Alisha and Eddie got away, and Eddie, in a rare moment of insight, called Johnny Impact to let him know that wherever Austin Aries was at the time, he’d surely be alone.
Johnny 205
Austin Aries continues to kill it on the mic, plus he pretended to be injured and then attacked Johnny. Basically, he’s a heel among heels. And we AA knows what he’s talking about from personal experience when he threatened Johnny Impact with the possibility that all that will be left for him to be is Johnny 205. Separating Aries from his cronies in advance of Bound For Glory was a good move, because it reminded us (and Johnny) how dangerous he still is without any big men to protect him.
Desi Hit Squad Has It Rough
Here’s the double-edged sword of Impact Wrestling when it comes to social issues: I like that race is on the table as something that can be directly talked about and that wrestlers can take pride in. I like that they can have teams with names like Latin American Exchange and Desi Hit Squad, instead of the kind of euphemistic names that WWE would likely give these teams (which still grouping them by race). But then when LAX act like gangbangers, and Desi Hit Squad’s whole story is that they have a Tiger Manager who beats and abuses them, that gets pretty uncomfortable pretty quickly.
The Lucha Brothers and Brian Cage Defeated oVe By Disqualification
As great as these guys are, I’m not sure this match needed to happen tonight, let alone main event. Not just because it was an abortive preview of the upcoming Bound For Glory match, but because it was the second time on this episode that a heel deliberately took a DQ loss rather than let a big scary guy beat him up. Of course unlike Eli Drake, Sami Callihan wouldn’t roll out of the ring and run away just because he was scared of Brian Cage. Sami just attacked the ref. Still, this match did remind us how scary Brian Cage can be, and how much fun it’s going to be to see him team with the Lucha Brothers for the full match in just over a week.
That’s all for this week’s Knockout Report. Join me next week for the Bound For Glory go-home show!
