The Knockout Report 2/22/19: Doom Has Come To This World

Impact Wrestling

Hello Impact fans and curious rubberneckers! I’m Elle Collins, and this is the Knockout Report. I’ll fill you in on everything that happens in Impact Wrestling, but I’m always going to lead with the Knockouts Division, because they deserve it. You can follow me on Twitter here, With Spandex here, and Uproxx here. You can watch Impact Wrestling on the Pursuit Channel or Twitch every Friday night at 10 p.m. Then on Mondays, read this column and share it with everyone you know.

Last week on Impact, Taya Valkyrie retained the Knockouts Championship in a Street Fight against Tessa Blanchard, while Johnny Impact retained the World Championship in a Fatal Four-Way against Brian Cage, Moose, and Killer Kross. Now without further ado, here’s the Knockout Report for February 22, 2019.

Alisha Edwards Versus Delilah Doom Was Interrupted By Tessa Blanchard

First of all, Delilah Doom is a great wrestler and one of the most likable characters on the indie scene, so it’s really cool seeing her Impact debut. She doesn’t seem to have signed a contract, so for now it looks like this is a guest spot she’s doing here, but it’s clearly a somewhat elevated one, so I’m hoping it leads to more from her.

For now, she put up a hell of a fight against Alisha Edwards, and even seemed like she was going to win, but then Tessa Blanchard invaded to attack them both. For Tessa it wasn’t personal; she’s just wreaking all the havoc she can in the Knockouts Division because she’s angry at being denied another shot at the championship just because she keeps attacking Gail Kim. For Delilah, though, it was actually very personal. This was supposed her big moment, and Tessa took it from her. In a backstage promo, Doom demanded a match with Tessa, and she’s getting it. So when I say Delilah’s getting a bit more shine than the average guest-jobber, you see what I mean.

Rosemary Has Made A Deal

Finally, some structure is taking shape in this storyline again. Rosemary has to gather a team for a “Dark War” against Father James Mitchell and Su Yung for the soul of Allie. But if Rosemary’s team loses, she belongs to Mitchell as well. Rosemary has previously said that she doesn’t want Kiera Hogan and Jordynne Grace involved in this supernatural conflict, so it will be interesting to see if she turns directly to them now that she needs a team, or if she’ll be bringing in some unexpected allies from outside the usual roster.

Meanwhile, In Guyville

The Men’s Title Scene Is Still A Mess

Somewhere in here there was a Number One Contendership match between Moose and Killer Kross, but it only started on Johnny Impact’s whim, and it ended without a victor, so it’s hardly worth counting. The point is that last week’s Four-Way match accomplished nothing, and all of these guys remain determined to stay in the title picture, even though their continued involvement makes decisive title matches basically impossible. So later in the episode, Johnny and Cage agreed to team up to take out Moose and Killer Kross, so that they can then have their much-needed one-on-one championship rematch.

Of course, it’s one of those inexplicable tropes of pro wrestling, this idea that defeating Moose and Kross in a tag match will somehow force them to go away. Hopefully it will, because this whole thing’s been going on for a while, but there’s no actual mechanism that makes that true.

The Rascalz Defeated Desi Hit Squad

Trey and Dez were super-high in this match, because immediately before it Gama Singh hung out with the Rascalz backstage and got them to smoke some kind of Indian super-weed. They never actually explained what was in the hookah, but it was clearly something more potent than the flavored tobacco you’d find in most actual hookahs. The whole thing feels a bit middle school, but at least Trey and Dez are great at this kind of physical comedy. And it speaks well of Impact’s plans for the Rascalz (and less so for Desi Hit Squad) that the team that was literally drugged before the match still managed to win.

Eddie Edwards Defeated Eli Drake

Eli did his best to sell this as not so much a wrestling match, but more of a lesson he was imparting to Eddie in how to have a proper wrestling match. So whether he’d concede the point or not, this is actually kind of a win for Eli Drake. He was so successful in pushing Eddie to have a great match that Eddie had that match at his expense.

The Lucha Bros Defeated LAX To Retain The Impact Tag Team Championships

LAX and the Lucha Bros are officially the New Day and Usos of Impact. They’re all great wrestlers, and the two teams have fantastic chemistry together, but we’ve reached a point where they’ve had so many matches that it becomes hard to keep getting excited no matter how good they are. That’s how I felt throughout this match, finding it difficult to get invested no matter how good the spots were. Then the match ended, and Santana and Ortiz turned on Pentagon and Fenix and took their masks. So now I want to see these guys fight again.

That’s all for this week’s Knockout Report. Join me next week, when Delilah Doom gets her match with Tessa Blanchard.