Hello Impact fans and curious rubberneckers! I’m Elle Collins, and this is the Knockout Report. I’ll fill you in on everything that happens in Impact Wrestling, but I’m always going to lead with the Knockouts Division, because they deserve it. You can follow me on Twitter here, With Spandex here, and Uproxx here. You can watch Impact Wrestling on Pop every Thursday at 8 p.m. Then on Fridays, read this column and share it with everyone you know.
Last week Impact arrived in Mexico City, where Tessa Blanchard immediately made an enemy of Faby Apache, and Austin Aries defeated El Texano Jr.
Without further ado, here’s the Knockout Report for September 27, 2018.
Tessa Blanchard Defeated Faby Apache To Retain The Knockouts Championship
I didn’t expect this match to open the show. I’d actually thought it might be the main event. It got things off to a strong start though, not to mention making room for some post-match storytelling (we’ll get to that). Prior to last week I’d really only known Faby Apache by reputation, but just her match with Alisha was enough to demonstrate how well-earned that reputation is. So I knew her match with Tessa was going to be fire, and sure enough it was.
Holding the women’s belts for AAA and Impact at the same time would be a little much, so there was never any doubt that Tessa was retaining, but they managed to make her victory seem like desperation and luck against a veteran opponent who was more than a worthy match for Tessa. I can’t speak to the politics of Faby’s name or her entrance gear, but what I am certain of is that Faby Apache is a warrior. She’s as much the daughter of a legend as Tessa, and she’s been in the game herself a whole lot longer.
Tessa’s a pure heel, and Faby’s very much a babyface, at least as she’s presented here. Nevertheless, I still found myself rooting for Tessa. She’s a blowhard and a bully, but she just tries so hard in every match. She always has this moment after she wins a match where she sits on the mat and sucks in air desperately, like she didn’t breathe for the entire match. This week, she mouths the word “forever” in that moment, like she’s reminding herself of what this match almost made her forget.
Taya Valkyrie Is Here (Via Satellite)
I’d been wondering who was going to challenge Tessa for the Knockouts Belt at Bound for Glory, and now we know it’s Taya Valkyrie. Despite Taya’s problems with AAA she’s very over in Mexico City, so this is the perfect place for the former heel to return as a babyface. That turn also makes perfect sense because the “Glamorous Muscular Queen of Wrestling” persona that would make her too similar to Tessa if they were both heels in the same division also makes them ideal opponents. Whatever happens at Bound for Glory, I hope Taya sticks around for a while this time. She’s always a welcome presence.
Later in the show, Tessa responded by pointing out how Taya conveniently disappeared from Impact right when she showed up. She’s gotta point, and it also emphasizes how much these two do mirror each other, which makes their upcoming match all the more exciting.
Scarlett Bordeaux Wants You To Sign Her Contract
So Scarlett’s doing a talent search. Whether she’s looking for people already on the roster or new talent is an open question, but either way I don’t recommend anybody making deals with her (because she’s the devil, we’ve been over this).
Allie and Kiera Hogan Defeated Su Yung and the Undead Maid of Honor
Now that this storyline is fully separated from the Knockouts Championship Picture, I admit I no longer have any idea what anyone’s goal is. Allie wants to “stop” Su Yung, but getting the Championship off of her wasn’t enough, and repeatedly beating her in the ring doesn’t seem to be accomplishing much. Are we headed toward a Loser Leaves Town match? Did I just answer my own question?
The star of this particular match was the young lion Kiera Hogan. The Girl on Fire played the House on Fire here and got the pin on the Blood Princess. She came out of this looking strong as hell, and I’d love to see her get a solo match with Su at Bound for Glory. I don’t know if that leaves Allie with anything to do, but she’s done so much already, I’d be okay with her being in Kiera’s corner for one PPV.
As for Su Yung, I’m still way into everything she’s doing, but I have to wonder how much there is left for her to do. She’s won and lost the Knockouts title, and these tag matches with her personality-free minion do start to get a little repetitive. As great as she is, a character like hers can only do so many things, and it’s starting to feel like she’s biding her time until the dramatic return of Rosemary, when she’ll be undeniably relevant again.
Meanwhile, In Guyville
Eli Drake is Having Fun in Mexico City
Drake is the guy you do segments like this with. Just give him a show where he walks around and eats street food while talking to the camera, I’m here for it.
Brian Cage Defeated Jake Crist
So basically Sami Callihan sacrificed his most loyal disciple to Brian Cage in return for a chance to sneak attack the machine. The Lucha Brothers, however, are far sneakier and respond by kidnapping Dave Crist. I love that this entire build is about setting up all six of these guys not just as good wrestlers but as tough bastards who’ll do anything. I have feeling that six-man Bound for Glory match might get a little intense.
Meet Murder Clown
The reveal of Murder Clown makes this segment. He’s about as scary a guy as you can imagine, and Katarina just being like “This is my new friend, he’s from a family of scary clowns” totally rules. Joe Hendry’s either going to give the most impressive performance of his life next week, or he’s going to get eaten by a clown. I’m interested either way.
LAX Defeated Desi Hit Squad
I did wonder if this was going to lead to a brawl between Konnan and Gama Singh, in the interest of proving that the old guys can still go. Instead it just led to another Eddie Kingston promo. I’m not going to lie, I’m very ready for this feud to end at Bound for Glory.
Fallah Bahh is Taking Care of His Friend
Who’s house is that? Are Fallah and KM sharing a room in a quaint bed and breakfast in Mexico City? I’m just asking questions here. KM sent Fallah on a quest for revenge, which presumably means he’s coming after Aries and his cronies.
Killer Kross and Moose Defeated Eddie Edwards and Johnny Impact
Speaking of Aries’ cronies, they got a win against the babyface team. The odds are being set up as so long here, that I’m starting to think Johnny Impact may be bound for glory at Bound For Glory. I assume Eddie’s bound for a match with Moose, but I don’t know where that leaves Kross. Maybe that’s who Fallah Bahh’s coming after? If so, I hope he brings a weapon.
That’s all for this week’s Knockout Report. Join me next week when Eli Drake offers an open challenge to all luchadors, and Joe Hendry faces off against Murder Clown.
