Jerry “The King” Lawler was removed from most WWE programming about a year ago, but he’s back on our minds today for what he does to his body. The King was a recent guest on The Ross Report, where the Hall of Famer discussed the menu for his Memphis-based bar and grill.
Jim Ross wanted to know why the menu had so many photographs of Lawler looking sweaty and gross, which, IMHO, is a great question. Jerry sort of sidestepped the question, but he did launch into a mini-soliloquy about how he evolved from hairy Memphis god to perfectly smooth announcer. (Thanks to Wrestling Inc. for the transcript.)
“I was never into ‘manscaping’, or even worry about grooming your chest hairs, or shaving your back, or anything, or even shaving under your arms, or anything like that until, and it’s so funny, until I got around Hulk Hogan.”
Okay, this checks out. When I think of Hulk Hogan’s body, I think about shiny pythons, not about hair clumps. Curious about how the Hulkster took care of business? Jerry’s got you:
“He had one of those long shoehorns and he had like a twin-blade razor taped to the bottom of it. And I’m thinking, ‘what the hell is that?’ And then, all of a sudden, he goes over to the mirror and he turns around. He’s shaving his back with this razor taped to this long shoehorn! And so, I said, ‘well, I’ll be damned! I think that might work!’ So that’s when I first started to get rid of a little bit of the rug I was wearing on my body.”
So now we know how The King got rid of his rug (ew), and that Hulk Hogan would have been a very intimidating guest on Shark Tank with this invention, but what can we learn about other WWE Superstars?
“John Cena prides himself on the fact that there’s not another hair on his entire body other than the hair on his head.”
John Cena’s method of taking care of his own business is something we’ve covered in detail before, but there’s another lesson to learn here. If you want the ability to take your opponents finishers, demand title shots whenever the hell you feel like it, and be the de facto hero for kids all over the world during your prime, you simply must not have any body hair. It worked for Hulk, it worked for Super Cena; Roman, take off that chest protector and show us what’s underneath. SHOW US.
Listen to the full episode here.