Last night in Tulsa, Oklahoma, BattleGrounds MMA put on the first one-night, eight-man tournament in probably close to a decade. The fights weren’t bad, and I’ll get into them, but the real, actual highlight of the evening and what made a lot of people spend twenty bucks was the commentary team. Retired and fired UFC fighter “The American Gangster” Chael P. Sonnen teamed up with the legendary pro wrestling announcer, “Good Ol” JR himself, Jim Ross.
Here’s a very brief run down of the fights, with the top comments doled out by Chael and Jim. All GIFs are by the amazing Zombie Prophet.
Heavyweight – Demoreo Dennis vs Bryan Porritt
Demoreo had a gross stomach while Porritt was wearing a rashguard/shame shirt, so both guys had unfortunate bodies. Dennis stopped Porritt in the first with ground and pound.
“He’s no longer like me, Jim, he’s no longer undefeated” – Chael
“Exactly, you’ve never lost in Oklahoma” – JR
Light Heavyweight – Bryan McVea vs Mike Cook
McVea finished Cook off with an arm triangle without much difficulty in the second round after a few eye pokes and groin kicks.
“Probably take a couple of weeks off, reassess, and then maybe quit” – Chael’s advice to Cook upon losing his pro debut.
Quarterfinal – Buddy Wallace vs Roan Carniero
Wallace was no match for Carneiro on the ground and “Big Dude” won by first round armbar.
“[Roan] was in the Kurt Angle movie Warrior” – JR
“Yeah, that was a real blockbuster hit. Seen by a total of nobody” – Chael knocking Kurt Angle down a peg
Quarterfinal – Cody McKenzie vs Brock Larson
My pick to win the whole tournament, hapless drifter Cody McKenzie, was submitted in the second via a Brock Larson arm triangle.
“The Cactus Jack of MMA” – JR on Cody
“Well, Larson is 37 McKenzie is 26, but I think Cody’s liver is 37” – Jim Ross, though he’s undersold things by a few decades.
“Cody McKenzie more disoriented than normal” – JR again, having no regard for anyone’s feelings
Quarterfinal – Joe Ray vs Luigi Fioravanti
Ray landed several big knees, stopping Fioravanti in the first round.
“[On tattoos] I don’t have any myself. I was always afraid of needles, or at least ones with ink in them” – Chael with the greatest self-burn of all time.
Light Heavyweight – Niko Koliastasis vs Wayne Cole
Koliastasis took care of Cole easily, choking him out in the first. On one hand, it’s impressive since Niko was making his pro debut, on the other hand, Cole was 16-23 coming into this fight.
“Yes, Bobby Lashley, the cure for insomnia” – Chael Sonnen is relentless
Bantamweight – Tyler Shinn vs Chris Gutierrez
This was just a time-filler before the tournament finals could take place. The only thing of note is that Gutierrez and not Shinn’s style was listed as “Kick-Wrestling”. Gutierrez ended up winning a split decision.
“Let’s hear it for the ring card girls. It’s an easy job to do when you’re a centerfold, it takes a lot more self-confidence when you’re a 6” – Chael is the cruelest man in all the lands