Wondering why John Cena’s taking time off? As this clip from the not-buggy-at-all WWE 2K16 reveals, Big Match John won a big match at Hell in a Cell and ascended to meet The Lord in the air. Religious types may know this as being Raptured. Secular types may know it better as being Poochie’d. Looking back, “being taken up to Heaven to live with God” may be the only explanation for why Cena jobbing to one kick to the face from Alberto Del Rio made sense.
In all seriousness, this is how Cena’s career should end. He should be celebrating a big victory, get blindsided by his arch nemesis (the 2,000-pound ringside steps) and just start swim-floating into the sky. Do it Lucha Underground style if you want. Cena has reached the apex of pro-wrestling humanity and potential and is just called up to Heaven to jumping shoulderblock people in a giant mansion on golden streets forever. Either that, or someone just runs up and blasts him from behind with the steps. Whichever’s easiest.
We’re sure this is a one-time bug, and that WWE 2K16 is a well-oiled, deeply tested machine that was not rushed out several months before it was done. Total anomaly.