Previously on the Over/Under of Lucha Underground: Aero Star didn’t tell his friend that he’d get stabbed in the face with a fork by a crazy stalker nutcase even though he can travel time and totally knew. Also, Catrina put her tongue in Paul London’s nostrils and Famous B is straight-up using prostitutes to get Texano to work for him.
If you need to catch up on the rest of the episodes — if you aren’t caught up, you should need to catch up — you can read about season 1 here, and season 2 here. Season 3 episode recaps can be found here.
Hit those share buttons! Make sure to spread the column around so people can share in our love of all things Lucha, and encourage folks to finally bite the bullet and watch the first two seasons on Netflix. It’s on Netflix. While you wait for the next season of Bojack Horseman, watch a dragon’s penis fight a guy with a magical glove.
And now, the Over/Under on Lucha Underground season 3, episode 27, originally aired on July 19, 2017.
Over: Glove In The First Degree
If you’ve been following the curious case of Brian Cage’s evil medieval gauntlet that gives him the power of God and compels him to smush Lorenzo Lamas’ head and step on his eyeballs, you know that (1) it’s driving him crazy, and (2) he’s having trouble taking it off. It’s sort of the One Ring meets the Venom symbiote meets the Power Glove. It’s so bad.
Here, Cage is supposed to wrestle Pindar, the Penis of the Dragon, who hails from WHEN REPTILES RULED THE EARTH. I thought that motherfucker was a Sleestak. Instead of that happening, Cage beats up the referee for trying to take off his God Mitten and gets disqualified. He even drops El Hijo del Scott Dickinson with what’s gotta be history’s safest Steiner Screwdriver:
It loses points for being a corny way of getting God-powered Cage out of the tournament before he fights anybody good, but gains them back for establishing the rules of Sauron’s Isotoner and sticking to them.
Under: Overbooking The Tournament
Before the second tournament match — Son of Havoc vs. Dante Fox — can begin, Son of Madness runs out and beats up Havoc. He even knocks him out with a chain, but Dario Cueto’s like, “you can forfeit the match or wrestle it with a big chain-shaped bruise on your face, what’ll it be?”
It makes sense given last week’s doppelgänger showdown and Cueto’s longstanding desire to see Son of Havoc get shit-kicked, but I’m honestly pretty frustrated with how busy the tournament is. Some of these matches can just happen, you know? You don’t HAVE to pull the strings together every time characters are on screen. Do that when it matters! The fact that Havoc got beaten up and chained in the dome before the match, wrestled it anyway and wrestled the exact same Competitive Lucha Underground Match he would’ve if he hadn’t been attacked, the attack didn’t matter.
Over: The Actual Match
On the positive side, it’s a very good match. I wrote “Competitive Lucha Underground Match” with sarcastic capitalization because they can sometimes run together, but good Lord, I’d rather watch 100 of these than one more rushed-through mid-card thing in the middle of the second hour of Raw.
The pre-match attack did what it needed to do, I guess, in that it (at least on paper) made Son of Havoc more of an underdog. That’s where he shines. The crowd loves him so much, you could have someone show up and chop off his arms and legs before the match and The Believers would do everything they could to will him to victory anyway. And hey, at least Fox got the win, which needed to happen. I liked how hard the announce team put him over, too. Investing in AR Fox is something Lucha Underground would be smart to do as a television show OR a wrestling promotion.
Important note: I really miss Ivelisse and Angelico.
Under?: Worldwide Underground Gets An Agent
It’s obviously too early to tell if I’ll like this or not, but the Worldwide Underground introduced their new representation, who might as well be named “Saul Heyman.” Good thing they got him when he wasn’t busy representing the Barksdale organization. He wants to get them on cereal boxes, and I mostly wonder why we’re doing a segment involving Taya AND Jack Evans that isn’t about Taya or Jack Evans.
I’m sure in a couple of weeks he’ll reveal that he’s actually a vampire or something and I’ll be into him.
Over: Black Bird Signing In The Dead Of Night
There it is, the funniest section header joke I’ll ever write.
This week’s main event is P.J. Black vs. Prince Puma Dark, and it’s outstanding. There’s a big emphasis on Puma’s darkness driving him to these places of frustration and desperation we aren’t used to seeing, and Black being too good of a wrestler to be wasting his career as a Worldwide Underground stooge, so there’s almost an air of an understated double turn happening. Black’s being driven away from his crew by the weird agent, and Puma’s become an ersatz Pentagon while Pentagon illogically skips like 10 episodes at a time.
This honestly might be the best P.J. Black/Justin Gabriel match I’ve ever seen, though, and certainly the best match he’s had on television since leaving WWE. The guy’s got it, when he isn’t almost killing himself in real life, and it’s almost bizarre that his career’s never really set him up to be one of those guys we consider one of the best in the world. It’s a good story for him.
Plus, you know, Evil Puma. I’m excited to see how this all pays off at Ultima Lucha Tres. We’re starting to near the end of season 3 now, which means we’re in uncertain “will the show actually be back” territory. Just gonna focus on the vampire getting a hard-on watching a cat man go rudo and not worry about it right now.