Previously on NWA Powerrr: The artist formerly known as Damien Sandow showed up demanding no eye contact, Colt Cabana and Mr. Anderson decided to form a tag team, and the NWA World Women’s Championship made an appearance.
If you’d like to keep up with these columns, you can do so on the NWA Powerrr tag page. Again, no idea why there are so many Rs on the end, unless we find out a few weeks from now that Billy Corgan sold the naming rights for the show to a dirtbike.
Remember, NWA Powerrr and all its extra Rs is free to watch on YouTube, so check out episode three if you haven’t already:
Ring Ka Kingston
This week’s show starts off as well as it could, with the best talker in the company, Eddie Kingston, reacting to last week’s main event interference in the only way he knows how: with impassioned pleas for properly scheduled violence. He wants the Dawsons in the ring, references the long-standing heat between Homicide and Jim Cornette, and promises bad things for those “bald-headed freaks” because they hate themselves and are therefore beyond the bounds of human compassion. King is the goddamn best at this, and even in a wrestling world where people are encouraged to speak honestly and from their hearts, he stands out. Dude could rip your heart out, “bust it wide open,” and stuff it back in your chest with just his words.
As a bonus, this promo features an appearance from my favorite tapings attendee, Tennessee Santa Claus. Good to see a representative from the Devil’s constituency in attendance in Atlanta.
In a moment of true [chef’s kiss], the Dawsons show up sometime later and say they’ll fight anyone EXCEPT Kingston and Homicide. Their promo seems cut up a bit, like maybe it had to be edited down to remove five or six instances of, “SHYUT UP!!” Anyway, the Dawsons’ “challenge” becomes important later, as …
Mis-quits And Gravy
Former champion and failed challenger Tim Storm show sup a little later with his Legend of Zelda Goron body and sad puppy dog eyes to put over Nick Aldis as champion and “address his future” in the National Wrestling Alliance. He’s quickly interrupted by Eli Drake, who can say absolutely nothing for 10 minutes and still make it sound entertaining, and Drake rightfully points out that Storm is on the same list of champions as Ricky Steamboat, Ric Flair, and Harley Race. He doesn’t know why Storm would want to end his career as soon as the NWA’s popping again, and suggests they team up and go after the Tag Team Championship if the 10 Pounds Of Gold® isn’t in Storm’s immediate future.
You know what’s super cool about not changing the design of your championship belt every couple of years? You can say current or recent champions “held the same championship belt” as their predecessors and mean it. Every WWE Champion seems like they’ve got a slightly different design, but (outside of minor changes) the same belt Nick Aldis holds is the same belt Ric Flair held, which is the same belt Harley Race held. which is the same belt Terry Funk held. That rules. How great would it be if Seth Rollins was holding the same title belt Bruno Sammartino once wore? It’d beat the hell out of that Lord Zedd class ring he carries around.
Storm ends up coming up short again and losing to the Dawsons in the show’s main event. He accidentally tosses his own partner into the ring post while trying out some tandem offense, and leaves himself alone to take the … whatever we’re calling that Tombstone version of The Compactor. I’ll let your imagination come up with the terminology for a 69 that kills you. The Dawsons continue the attack after the match until Kingston and Homicide make the save, with Nick Aldis lingering around to check on Storm.
We’re only three episodes in, but check out how the stories are already logically tying themselves together. Aldis defended his NWA Championship against Storm and won by cheating, so now Storm’s caught somewhere between wanting to try again and giving up completely. Eli Drake doesn’t want him to quit, so they agree to team up against the Dawsons, who’ve been picking a fight with Homicide and Eddie Kingston. Meanwhile Aldis is still out there trying to politely control his pool of challengers, not completely cluing us in on which side he’s on. It’s easy to follow, everything makes sense, and you can actually ask questions about the characters and motivations without noticing so many inconsistencies it cripples anything they’re trying to do.
Let’s All Set Sail With Captain Morgan
Giving Kingston a run for his money is this week’s appearance from Aron Stevens, who shows up dressed like the poorest man’s pirate to get some heat for looking like Captain Morgan, pose and all, and for bragging about his upcoming role in the film Tropical Pirates. Is Maitland Ward in that one?
There’s not much to this beyond Stevens being delusional and ridiculous, but he’s so good at it. The next step for The Miz character WWE was never willing to take (as it would point out the sadness of their non-wrestling projects) was having him star in just the worst, made-in-somebody’s-backyard independent projects (cough cough), and then take a step even lower where his upcoming “feature films” are clearly just goofy lies constructed to make him look busy and in-demand. “Summer 2020” on the end of his free footage of pirate ships and one line of dialogue trailer is amazing. Also: “I hate to use a wrestling reference, but we can all see, that when it comes to acting I’ve got more chops than Ric Flair.”
Time To Hit The Ol’ Dusty Trail
Less successful than [gestures wildly] is this bit featuring Jocephus, who wants to “shake James Storm’s hand” and clearly set him up for some kind of extremely lame attack. Colt Cabana of all people shows up to be an asshole to Jocephus about it, and “yes ands” him until he’s wearing a cowboy hat and getting powder thrown in his face. Jocephus hatched the world’s easiest-to-avoid plot, and Cabana was like, “yes, this is all on the level.” He should’ve just propped up a box with a stick and written BABYFACE TRAP on the side in magic marker. This brings out the actual James Storm to kick Joe-bo in the mouth, and then Ken Anderson to drag Cabana out of further harm’s way.
Jocephus is probably the least “major league” feeling thing on these shows, but there’s something hilarious about a guy who clearly shouldn’t be there just showing up every week and faking it until he’s a major player.
This Week In Commercials
Speaking of Jocephus, his “spiritual advisor” gets a commercial where she sells you hair cream that turns your hair invisible. It doesn’t make you bald, it just makes you LOOK bald, because people can’t see your hair. Is … is the goal to eventually replace these with real commercials, and these are just placeholders? Because if not, I’m gonna start getting mad I can’t buy absurd science fiction products from the not-actually-paid advertisements on my antiquated wrestling program. It’s like when I read an old comic book and get mad I can’t still order x-ray glasses and sea monkies for like a quarter.
Who is the question mark? I don’t know, but I’m sad I didn’t already start an NWA Powerrr podcast where I do a Q&A and call myself The Question Mark.
Can Kamille Speak Of The Week
Yes, but only when she wants to. Which is what she told you last week! Let her live, Joey!
Also In The Ring This Week
In women’s division action, Marti Belle defeats Crystal Rose, who both looks and sounds like they found her working at a Palmetto Domino’s. Belle wins with a Pedigree, called a “Pearl River Plunge” by Jim Cornette. He should really know better.
Finally we’ve got Caleb Konley vs. Dan Parker, hilariously identified as, “The D-Man.” Oh, YOU’RE the D-Man. Got it. Few things I love more in wrestling than a jobber getting announced with a superfluous nickname like that, the crowd reacting with muffled, laughing boos, and the jobber having to look at them with a face like he just pooped his pants and yell, “SHUT UP!” You’re the man, D-Man!
Note: D-Man loses badly.
