1. Wrestling is fake.
2. Hulk Hogan is responsible for some really terrible moments in wrestling history.
For every admittedly magical moment he provided us growing up, he’s provided some cringeworthy moments that remind us that we’re watching something that can get really stupid sometimes. These moments have gone from “hey, this is pretty stupid” to “I hope nobody walks in and sees me watching this. Yes, we can admit Hogan’s contributions, but if we can’t acknowledge the massive piles of sh*t he’s dumped onto the sport, then what’s the point of living through it?
So yes, here are Hogan’s fakest, campiest, most hard-to-explain moments in wrestling history.
The Twin Refs – Saturday Night Main Event, 1988 – This was supposed to be the most anticipated rematch of all time or something between Andre The Giant and Hulk Hogan. What we ended up getting was one of the screwiest endings of all time. Referee David Hebner made the three count (it was actually a four count I think) even though Hulk Hogan’s shoulders were up. Nobody knew what was going on. As it turned out, Ted DiBiase spent his millions to get a guy to get plastic surgery to look like David Hebner and be a crooked ref. In reality, David and Earl Hebner are twin brothers who I guess always wanted to be WWF referees. So naturally they played manufactured clones on TV. Classic DiBiase.
Hogan In Friday: The Prequel – Summerslam 1989 – So Hulk Hogan starred in a WWF-funded film called No Holds Barred and Tiny Lister was his main villain. So, to promote the movie, WWF had Lister show up to exact revenge on Hogan for beating him in the fake match they had during a movie. And also for Hogan claiming he was the star. This is basically the same as James Earl Jones showing up at Comic-Con to apologize to Mark Hamil for cutting off his hand and being a bad father.
Points here, though, for Lister’s manicured unibrow.
WWE King of the Ring 1993-Hulk Hogan vs Yokozuna by RatedROliveira
Communist Cameraman – King Of The Ring 1993 Hulk Hogan beat Yokozuna at WrestleMania IX in what was one of the most infuriating moments in wrestling history and went on to defend his title at King Of The Ring. Things were going as planned with Hogan doing his leg drop and going for the pin. Then a “Japanese cameraman” jumped on the apron to snap a pic of Hogan…but his camera exploded and apparently burned the Hulkster in the face, leading to him losing to the match. Because Hulk Goddamn Hogan can’t do a single clean job in the 20th century. I KNOW HE LOST TO WARRIOR AT MANIA JUST LET ME TELL MY JOKEZ.
Sumo Monster Truck Competition Hulk Hogan vs… by TheMizUploader
Andre The Giant’s Son Dies – Halloween Havoc 1995 – Guys. GUYS. Where do I begin? So a tall guy started showing up at Nitro and everyone was saying “he looks like a ghost,” because he was tall. So naturally this big guy was supposed to be Andre The Giant’s son coming to extract revenge on Hulk Hogan because in Hulk Hogan’s mind he killed Andre at WrestleMania 3. I honestly, literally think Hogan thinks Andre died the moment the ref counted to three at the Silverdome. Andre’s fake son, The Giant, would eventually face Hogan at Halloween Havoc but not before a pre-match monster truck battle from a rooftop. Because nothing says “I’m stronger than you” than two trucks doing 100% of the work.
After Hogan won the truck battle, Giant attacked him, but fell off the roof to his demise. Only to show up a few minutes later for the match. A match, I must mention, that ends with Hogan getting faux-double-penetrated by Giant and a mummy. *blink* *blink*