Every week, With Spandex copies and pastes someone else’s Smackdown spoilers report and jumps to a bunch of conclusions about it without having seen the show. This is also known as, “being on the Internet.” We’re on the Road To Roadblock now so things are really heating up, and by “really heating up” we mean “it’s Smackdown.”
Let’s get upset at what we assume happens, shall we?
What Happens On This Week’s Smackdown
(reminder: these are actual Smackdown spoilers)
– Dean Ambrose opens the show and gets interrupted by Kevin Owens, who talks about not having an opponent for WrestleMania. It’s a shame there’s nobody Owens can face. It’s a shame he doesn’t have a blood rival also employed by the company who he injured during some of the most important matches in NXT history, and that that person didn’t return from injury recently and eliminate Owens from the Royal Rumble. Maybe we can do Owens vs. R-Truth? Anyway, this sets up Ambrose vs. Owens for later in the night, bumping the scheduled main-event of Big Show vs. Adam Rose or whatever.
1. The League of Nations defeated The Usos. After the match, the Dudley Boyz showed up and took their “no tables” thing to the next level by attacking The Usos and almost putting them through a table.
2. Dolph Ziggler defeated The Miz. Remember how Miz pinned Ziggler on Raw? We’re going 50/50 and now Ziggler’s pinning Miz the same way. This will make both guys look really great for their 30-second WrestleMania match that ends with a double rollup.
3. Sasha Banks vs. Becky Lynch ends when Charlotte shows up and attacks both women. It’s gonna be so funny when neither Sasha nor Becky gets a shot at WrestleMania, and Charlotte wrestles Brie Bella. Or the entire thing turns into a Divas battle royal where everyone wears Dallas Cowboys cheerleader outfits. Hey, I’m just going by WWE history and precedent, here.
– They replay The Undertaker segment from Raw, and we still don’t like it.
4. AJ Styles defeated Kofi Kingston. They’ve got a tag titles match set for Raw, so the only booking option is, “singles match featuring half of each tag team.” According to sources, they don’t want none.
5. Dean Ambrose defeated Kevin Owens. Ambrose tries to elbow drop Owens through a table but it doesn’t break, so maybe the tables have agency in WWE now and it’s not just a Dudley Boyz story. Anyway, let’s celebrate the Intercontinental Champion not having a WrestleMania match by watching him lose a match to a guy who does. The post-match attack is just five-straight minutes of Big Show punching Owens in the balls.