A Sumo Wrestler Knocked His Opponent Right The Hell Out

Oh hello there, sumo wrestling. [Staind voice] It’s been awhile.

In January (hey back off, sumo word travels slowly, but it’s always worth the wait), Musashikuni Mamu and Tomisakae Ryutaro, a pair of huge-ass damned rikishis, squared off in day 12 of a tournament and the fight was practically over before it started (kind of like Dean Ambrose vs. Curt Hawkins on Tuesday night). Tomisakae rushed in, Musashikuni swung his forearm to try and achieve an upright poster and deflect potential incoming SUMO ARMS (something you never, ever want coming at you), and accidentally delivered a shoot damn European uppercut that instantly KO’d poor Tomisakae.

My god in heaven. Feel free to watch that a billion times. We won’t mind. If anyone doubted the legitimacy of the European uppercut as a legitimate offensive maneuver in a fight … well, I bet you feel pretty foolish now, don’t you? Perhaps even better than the hit itself is the awkward couple of minutes where Tomisakae tries to play off like he didn’t just get completely coldcocked and tries to go on with the match. The one universal constant of athletics: no one ever wants to admit they got knocked out.

And hey, if there are currently no plans for Cesaro at WrestleMania 33, just put him and Musashikuni against one another in a European uppercut match. After all, we know how much WWE loves sumo spectacle at the biggest show of the year.