John Cena is the least funny person on the planet. No other human being (aside from my dad, obviously) has inspired as many eye rolls and groans with his jokez as ol’ John. I’m thinking most of you are of roughly the same opinion. Well, turns out you and me are wrong, Jack! John Cena is the next big thing in comedy and a lot of funny people you like are here to tell you so.
Cena’s never really a mark in the world of action movies, which he explained in a recent Variety piece thusly…
“I don’t think I work tremendously well in action because people see me in action every week without fail. If I’m the shining white knight in the movies, that’s kind of the same thing. Audiences aren’t getting anything special or different.”
Translation – my default persona is profoundly tiresome and nobody but wrestling fans are interested in it (and even they’re pretty fed up with the act).
So, with action movies a wash, the new plan is to relaunch the guy who regularly makes nuts/balls jokes then holds up actual nuts and/or balls to illustrate as the next great comedy star. Cena will be appearing in two high-profile Universal comedies, Trainwreck and The Nest in 2015. Trainwreck is produced/directed by Judd Apatow, and the guy who controls comedy had the following slightly nauseating praise for Cena’s abilities…
“I wasn’t so familiar with his other work, so I had no bias, I just saw him as an actor who was riotously funny. We read a bunch of people, and he was by far the funniest. Then he came and did a table read before we shot the movie, and got more laughs than anyone.”
Well, sometimes Cena’s funnies make me want to riot, so I guess “riotously funny” is technically accurate.
Trainwreck, a semi-autobiographical movie based on the life and comedy of Amy Schumer, will feature Cena as Schumer’s ex-boyfriend. Of course those who keep up with wrasslin’ relationships know Schumer actually dated WWE star, Dolph Ziggler for almost a year, but that relationship wasn’t wide public knowledge — now that it’s about to become part of a major Judd Apatow production, it’s time for Ziggler to tag out to a real star. Schumer had this to say about Cena…
“He blew us away. He was as good an actor as anyone, and as funny as anyone. There were so many moments when I was crying on set.”
Once again, Cena comedy causing tears is, technically, accurate.
The Nest, meanwhile, stars Tina Fey and Amy Poehler and Poehler had this to say about John…
“People know that he is strong and hard working, but soon people will know he is also kind and hilarious. Working with John, it’s easy to see why he is so beloved. He is a Boston boy who loves red wine and his Mother. The total package.”
Thankfully Tina Fey didn’t have anything fawning to say about Cena because, I dunno, I just don’t think I could take that.
In addition to the torrents of praise from Hollywood’s comedy elite, the Variety piece contains other interesting Cena notes, such as him personally confirming again that he’ll never turn heel, and confirmation that Cena even wears his stupid shirts and hats to major media interviews. Oh, and remember how Cena used to be so gosh-darned FIRED UP about the Rock leaving for Hollywood? Seems he’s reevaluated his position…
“WWE needs more people like Dwayne Johnson. I’m so happy that ‘Guardians’ killed. We have talented people working for our company. It’s just going to take a bit. It’s just going to take a few more situations like that [to make WWE more mainstream].”
HE NEVER LEAVES, JACK (unless he thinks he might have a shot at making Amy Poehler chuckle).