The Ascension Is An Illuminati Plot To Piss Off Road Warrior Animal And Every Old Wrestler

So it turns out mocking a dead wrestler when you were told by your bosses to go out and mock a dead wrestler can get you heat.

On Monday’s episode of Raw, new tag team The Ascension announced that they were better than legendary teams Demolition and the Road Warriors. They then made fun of Road Warrior Hawk’s catchphrase — “oh what a rush” — and that made them the mortal enemy of every pro wrestler over 40.

JBL relentlessly insulted and complained about them on commentary. Lance Storm turned off the show. Even one half of the American Males was upset. If you’re wondering what a guy who was actually IN the Road Warriors thinks, Road Warrior Animal posted the following message on Facebook. The short version is, “I wish WWE would put me on television.”

“The idiots in charge make the call everyone knows how stupid it is to copy icons yet they still do it. Do it in a mocking fashion to get heat I understand do it in a disrespectful way well that’s another issue that’s low and has no place in the business.

Where does it end and I usually are just are playing when I comment but this one is a shoot I believe they should have had Me Animal find a team. For some undetected odd reason they don’t do it. They missed the boat with Ascention and they missed it when my brother John was in the ring both great times to bring me in and they missed it.

They need to go to their merchandise numbers today and see we rank up with the main roster on selling merchandise for a reason.

Oh what a rush.”

Maybe he should find a new tag team and call them the “Grammar Nazis.”

The good news is that older wrestlers aren’t the only people The Ascension is pissing off. Don’t forget about the conspiracy theorists! The Ascension is basically “Illuminati: The Tag Team,” so it hasn’t taken long for people who make rambling YouTube videos full of telestrator circles to catch on. Here’s an explanation from The Vigilant Christian, who is either a parody of conspiracy theorists or exactly right depending on which comments you read.

Note: The Vigilant Christian should not be confused with Sting, who is The Vigilante Christian.