This month, the assumptive WWE Smackdown Spoilers report is FREE! That means you can go to our website, click the link that says “the assumptive WWE Smackdown spoilers report,” read about what happens on Smackdown without having to watch it and not be locked into a six-month commitment!
Note: because we aren’t getting your money, this month’s Smackdown spoilers reports will be TERRIBLE.
What Happens On This Week’s Go-Home Smackdown:
(reminder: these are actual Smackdown spoilers)
– In a rare speaking appearance, Triple H opened Smackdown with a 20-minute promo.
1. Rusev defeated Dolph Ziggler. I will (happily) assume this is the same match they had on NXT last August, when Rusev was still “Alexander” and wore burgundy plastic skirts. This one ends when Ziggler brings up the possibility of Rusev being eliminated at Survivor Series via count-out or DQ, Rusev goes “ah crap you’re right” and forlornly walks away.
– It’s A New Day. It’s a new generation.
2. Los Matadores defeated The Miz and Damien Mizdow. Epico is Primo’s stunt double, right? Anyway, more tension between Miz and Mizdow is teased, leading to that great moment at Survivor Series where it’s teased again, nothing happens, and they do the exact same bit on Raw every week for three months. Can’t wait for that!
– Dean Ambrose showed everyone his “survival kit.” It contained a water bottle, a lightweight nylon cord (at least 25 feet), a lighter, matches, a small pot, a whistle, a utility knife, a First aid kit and a compass. The crowd thought it was cool, but wasn’t sure why he was showing it to them. Bray Wyatt interrupted the promo to reveal HIS survival kit, which is just an inhaler.
3. AJ Lee defeated Brie Bella. THE COSPLAYER HAS BECOME THE COSPLAYED as AJ dressed as Nikki to defeat Brie. I’m about it. Here are a few thoroughly watermarked photos in case you’d like to have your spoilers spoiled.
4. Luke Harper defeated Cesaro. “Luke Harper wrestled Cesaro on Smackdown.” “That’s good news!” “But he squashed him in under three minutes.” “That’s bad news.” “But Harper’s the Intercontinental Champion, and he’s getting a push!” “That’s good news!” “But Cena vs. Orton for the 500th time is boring.”
– Per a new stipulation that makes the Survivor Series main event even more obvious, if Team Cena loses, they are “fired.” How about “if Team Authority wins, Triple H sprouts magical wings and gets fire powers.” That’ll add believable drama!
5. Seth Rollins and Kane vs. Ryback and Big Show ended in the WWE Show Main Event Disqualification. Why do we even have matches anymore?
Triple H and Team Authority attacked Ryback, seemingly “taking him out” only days before Survivor Series. That will leave an empty spot on Team Cena, which cannot possibly be filled by the crazy snake man who suddenly hates Team Authority and just finished shooting THE MARINE: ORIGINS for WWE Studios. Fantasy booking: Orton joins Team Cena, but Team Authority wins anyway. Cena and Orton are both fired. Can you imagine a world without Cena and Orton?