The Over/Under On Lucha Underground Episode 29: Cage Wins, Fatality

Pre-show notes:

– In case you always skip the pre-show notes and still haven’t picked up on this, there are now legal ways to watch Lucha Underground online. You can check out the UniMas website for episodes streaming in Spanish or find El Rey Network on Sling TV for the English-language version. Watch this show!

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And now, the Over/Under on Lucha Underground Episode 29 from May 27, 2015.

Over: Piecing Together The History Of The Black Lotus

This week’s opening scene has Black Lotus wandering up to The Temple and being stopped by Chavo Guerrero, who tells her that if she wants revenge for what Matanza (Dario Cueto’s brother and/or cage monster) did to her father, she should do it the right way: in the ring.

What I like about the scene is how Chavo mentions that his father was there when Lotus’ dad was murdered, and that the Guerreros have always hated the Cuetos. If I’m inferring what they’re implying by that statement and the whole “right way” thing, are we to believe that the Black Lotus Chun Li Murder happened in the ring? Are we going to suddenly find out that the Cuetos have been running lucha shows out of this building for decades, and that Lucha Underground as a promotion has a promotional ancestor that laid the foundations for the stories we’re seeing now? Is there anything cooler than that ever?

Seriously, imagine Gory Guerrero battling monsters in a California warehouse in the 1940s. Imagine it. Now try to imagine anything else. Doesn’t work, right? That’s all you want now.

Over: Johnny Rudo

Remember two weeks ago when the show opened with Aero Star defeating Jack Evans? This week we open with Aero Star facing SUPER JACK EVANS, aka Johnny Mundo.

There’s something so much better about John Morrison as a heel. I’ve written about it a little already, but he’s one of those Super People that shouldn’t exist. He’s tall, muscular, always moving in slow motion with hair like a f*cking lion. He’s got a swinger girlfriend who does the splits. He got to live his dreams by winning a game show and ended up being ECW champion and holding like five tag titles. The man’s hobbies are parkour and improv comedy. He’s not real. He’s not a person you can live through vicariously, he’s the guy you want to see the guy you live through vicariously BEAT. You’re Little Mac, he’s Don Flamenco and Great Tiger as one dude.

I like that he’s changing up his style, too, because that armdrags-and-sportsmanship thing doesn’t fly when you’ve just thrown lucha royalty through an office window. Instead of going all catch-as-catch-can, Mundo goes for ground and pound, complete with big, goofy shots to the abdomen. He’s so easy to boo you wonder why they ever bothered trying to get you to cheer for him in the first place. If you think about it, he represents all the same stuff Cage did. He’s this entitled white guy who’s just here for money and fame, and doesn’t care about Hispanic culture of lucha libre traditions.

I’ll miss the dramatic handshakes, but I’m happy he’s on the other side of the fence.

Under: Oh No, Sexy Star Gonna Die

Because Dario Cueto is never, ever okay with happy endings, Sexy Star will have to have another match with Pentagon Jr. A submissions match. That’s like putting her in a match against Drago in a “winner is the one who’s most like a dragon” match.

Sexy was pretty great in this interview, because she’s being strong but looks like she’s about to burst into tears at any moment. How the hell are you supposed to face Pissed-Off Ninja Skeleton in an arm-breaking match? Putting a lady in crutches in a ladder match was a kinder gesture. If Sexy Star doesn’t spend episodes 31-39 in a body cast, I’ll consider it a miracle.

Over/Under: Requiem For Fernandez

There’s a DEATH MATCH coming up, so the Lucha Underground Championship match goes in the middle of the show. Normally that’d bug me, but eh, Prince Puma’s defending against Hernandez. The only thing more certain than that Hernandez heel turn is Hernandez being too lazy and not getting over enough for anyone to put a title on him.

The match itself is probably the best Hernandez match I’ve ever seen, because Lucha Underground does that. Puma handles his business and there’s never a moment where you think he’s sincerely going to lose — especially not in the middle of the show — but they pay off everything they need to. There’s a callback to the Border Toss on the apron, Konnan runs justified interference (because Hernandez is scummy and betrayed his friendship), the works. Puma even cheats a little, which is uncharacteristic, but sometimes you’ve gotta become a monster to defeat the monsters of the world or whatever. Puma could’ve stabbed Hernandez through the chest with a spear and I would’ve justified it.

Puma retains and moves on to face his next challenge, and/or stay the f*ck away from Mil Muertes at all costs.

Over: Graver Consequences

If you’re new to Lucha Underground, here’s what you need to know.

Fenix is a mythological bird-themed luchador with infinite lives. Mil Muertes has embraced the power of death and promises to bring “a thousand deaths” to Lucha Underground. It makes sense that they’d hate each other, right? Well, Mil Muertes has a valet named Catrina who may or may not be a teleporting ghost. She saw Mil lose a few matches and realized he wasn’t as powerful as she needed him to be, so she pretended to be in love with Fenix to force them into a showdown. That happened 10 episodes ago in a casket match called Grave Consequences, and it’s the best match of the year. Mil died — he was put in a coffin and actually died — but I guess absorbed some of Fenix’s energy and was able to be “reborn” more powerful than ever. The first thing Catrina did with the new version of Mil (whom she calls “Mil Mortace,” because she can’t speak Spanish) is go to Dario Cueto and request a rematch. A death rematch.

The point of this week’s main event is to show that the Mil who lost Grave Consequences is gone forever, and replaced by a Mil Muertes who gives no f*cks and will powerbomb you through the roof.

It’s not Grave Consequences, but it isn’t supposed to be. It’s about Mil Muertes establishing himself as the most dangerous person to ever step foot in The Temple, and doing so by brutally dismantling the top tecnico who put him in the ground. To make it even better, Mil is now accompanied to the ring by the Disciples of Death, aka those creepy lucha skeleton guys who live on the tops of the spooky locker room lockers. They walk around the ring counter-clockwise and Mil just steamrolls through everything, puts Fenix through the roof of one of the Temple rooms and has his acolytes carry poor dead Fenix back to the ring over their heads so he can hit a Flatliner and win the match. It’s BOSS. Every living human should stay away from Mil Mortace, even if they’ve got 1,001 lives.

Over: The Meat Is A Little CAGEY

So hey, you know how we’ve been joking for weeks about Dario Cueto feeding people to his cage monster?

This week, Dario Cueto feeds Bael to his cage monster.

Like, okay, I don’t know what I expected. This is the best-ever example of why you should trust Lucha Underground implicitly, because if they introduce a plot point, they’re going to pay it off. You don’t say “Dario Cueto keeps his murderous brother in a cage and will put you in there with him if you disappoint him” and not have somebody get murdered. If you missed it, the show seriously ends with Cueto punishing The Crew for losing the ladder match by taking them to the cage, making them pick which member will be punished — Bael, because of course it’s Bael — and then instructing them to HOLD HIM UP TO THE CAGE SO MATANZA CAN KILL HIM. And they ACTUALLY KILL HIM. Loud crunching sounds and hideous blood splatters. Lucha Underground just straight-up killed a character on-screen.

Jump back five years and ask yourself if you thought you’d ever see a wrestling promotion write a character off by having him kayfabe murdered onscreen. Now ask yourself if it would be cool, or if it would be perfect for the vibe and story of a wrestling promotion. That’s why Lucha Underground is important. For the progress and the art and the performance, but also the monster killings.

Lucha Underground, man. Jesus take the wheel.