Last week in my Midcard Faces series, I talked about Kofi Kingston’s “S.O.S.” theme being the G.O.A.T., and that matter is not up for discussion. That being said, it did get me to thinking about what other outstanding professional wrestling themes we’ve been blessed with over the last decade. This will not be one of them:
There are a couple of caveats we’ll need to cover before we get started. First, the wrestler attached to the theme had to have been a currently active WWE roster member during the year in question. Secondly, heavy consideration will be given towards musicality, originality and potential popularity outside the confines of a wrestler’s entrance. Vince loves anything that brings mainstream attention to WWE so if the song in question could have legitimately been played on the radio that year it will carry extra weight. Finally, historical significance will play a role. If the song had a hand in a performer’s debut, return or overall popularity in that given year, it will tip the scale in it’s favor.
Read on for the top 10 WWE entrance themes of the last 10 years.
2008 – The Horns Heard ‘Round The World
The intro hits and that’s the last you heard of the song because of “The Return Pop To End All Return Pops.” John Cena’s early return from injury in January of 2008 checks off all the boxes of our criteria not to mention being an incredible start to one of WWE’s best years. Technically, Big Match John has been using this theme since 2005, but the historical significance of this track makes this entry the only exception to the rule — which is nice that we’re getting that out of the way now.
No one, and I mean, no one thought John Cena was going to be Number 30 in the Rumble that year. The crowd absolutely loses their goddamn minds and it’s one of those moments that reminds you that until quite recently, John Cena was as over as anyone in the history of this company has ever possibly been. There are even legitimate looks of shock from some of the wrestlers in the ring! This was the beginning of the “John Cena has mutant healing abilities” mythos that Michael Cole would repeat ad nauseum even if his earpiece went dead for 3 hours straight.
Current Active Roster Member: With authority, Jack!
Musicality/Originality/Popularity: It’s a catchy-as-hell earworm that gained massive recognition thanks to two morning radio DJs turning it into a viral hit.
Historical Significance: Bruh. This is probably going to lead off his HOF induction.
2009 – My Name Is Copyright Infringement and I Am Funky!
Woof, was 2009 a rough year for entrance theme music. There must have been a rib going on in the back to see which Diva you could give the more embarrassing Casio-based theme song to, and if they would die of humiliation between Gorilla Position and the top of the ramp. This wannabe Music From And Inspired By The Movie Batman soundtrack theme song for a guy you just remembered now will have to suffice. Technically, it’s Alicia Fox’s music as well, so maybe she’ll bring it back in Minneapolis.
If there was a true and just God, this would be Beth Phoenix’s music in this slot, but apparently no one in the WWE music studios could read “Glamazon” put two and two together and then pull off a half-decent remake of Linda Carter’s Wonder Woman theme, so I guess I’m the asshole here. Her wasted opportunity of an entrance is so infuriating to me, every time I think about what Beth Phoenix could be doing in the current Women’s Revolution, I have to go lie down with a cold compress on my face.
Current Active Roster Member: Alicia Fox has been with this company for nearly eight years and just captained a team at Survivor Series. Let that sink in.
Musicality/Originality/Popularity: Half -assed Prince is still better than nü-metal. RIP Purple One. I’m still not over it yet.
Historical Significance: None whatsoever. This is the life we were living in 2009.
2010 – Head To The Caribbean, Weather The Storm and Send The Distress Signal
Jesus O’Connor Rollin’ Christ, 2010 was a tire fire for entrance theme music. The most exciting thing in the company the whole year was the debut of The Nexus and their entrance theme music sounds like a high school emo band someone recorded at The Power Plant on a dare; like a shitty My Fair Lady set in a Hot Topic outside of Temecula. Scumbag Shakespeare did a better job of this at The Pack Theater and they were making fun of this music, man.
We’re putting Kofi here for no other reason than it only serves to illuminate its greatness in comparison to the beginning of WWE’s continuing love affair with music that continues to exist for some inexplicable reason. I don’t know anyone who has bought a Trapt record in 2017. I don’t even know if they are even still a band. Shit, even Warped Tour is like, “f*ck it, we’re out.” Let us always bring bullies sorrow and pain.
Current Active Roster Member: Yep, and rocking his own breakfast cereal in 2017. Eat your Booty O’s and say your prayers, brother. I mean, have you seen his sword collection?!?
Musicality/Originality/Popularity: Um, yeah. It’s the song Sean Paul wishes he recorded.
Historical Significance: It is the greatest professional wrestling theme song in the history of WWE, because all of you are singing Real American ironically and I can see you, kid.
2011 – Welcome To The Hall of Pain
In 2011, if this came on the Titantron, that meant your ass, my friend. The Hall of Pain is one of the greatest main event angles of all time and came nearly 15 years (!) after Mark Henry debuted in the company. Like the song itself, it’s a miracle of simple brutality.
I’m a big fan of efficiency and economy in my art, so when The World’s Strongest Man is slowly walking down a ramp while his music repeats “break his neck” a bunch of times, well, that’s a theme song Jack Spade can certainly respect. Can WWE Studios please do a gritty remake of I’m Gonna Git You Sucka with Henry as Jack Spade, Booker T as John Slade and Teddy Long as Fly Guy? John Lauranitis as Mr. Big and two-thirds of The New Day as Willie and Leonard? I’m gonna need Ron Simmons and Big E as Hammer and Slammer in a spinoff, as well.
Also, where would we be in this world without the immortal line of “Oi’ll fight ‘im.” I”m Irish. I’m, like, required by clan law to love that line.
Current Active Roster Member: WITH A LOT LEFT IN THE TANK!
Musicality/Originality/Popularity: This isn’t some cheap Onyx rip-off on cassingle that you’re embarrassed to own the next summer. If you heard it today in the car, this would get turned up louder than Michael Bolton on an empty Houston highway.
Historical Significance: The Hall of Pain is the signature angle of a strongest slam dunk Hall of Famer whose previous significant achievement in the company was “Father of Hand.” Uh, I think it counts.
Honorable Mentions:
Historically, this is important. It is great. I’m not an idiot. That song was cool way before that day and for a long time which is why Punk was using it in ROH. I mean, using a previously popular song is not exactly cheating but it isn’t really known as a professional wrestling theme first, you know?
Is it okay for me to say that I’d rather see AJ Lee come back than Punk? No? Okay. This song is an underrated little dance pop gem that somehow AJ managed to wrangle when everyone else was getting “I’ll Steal Your Boyfriend Basic Track No. 47.”
2012 – The Hounds Of Justice Are Loose
You knew this was going here. It absolutely had to go here. The Survivor Series debut of the most exciting faction in the last 10 years with three of the still most important guys in the company this year, including one Big Dog who is going to main event WrestleMania next year, is historically important enough on its own to merit this spot. The fact that this song sounds like Pantera and Kyuss had a baby that was delivered in a Blackhawk over a DMZ and therefore super cool certainly doesn’t hurt its cause.
I love that it has no sung vocal lyrics. So many of these themes are ruined by the vocals. How can you physically walk a mile in a pit of any size much less one filled with danger? Doesn’t that no longer make it a pit if it is, you know, filled with something? Just skip all the junior high imagery and give me this riff that would knock Drew Magary off of his couch like the Memorex guy from the 80’s.
Current Active Roster Member: HAHAHAHAHA. Like Roman will ever be off the roster.
Musicality/Originality/Popularity: We covered originality above but popular? Sheesh, think of how many little kids know military lingo now. What’s next? Morse code? Semaphore?
Historical Significance: You mean with Paul Heyman literally talking about history?
2013 – #Emmalution
Brother, you’re doing the dance right now. You know you are. I fully expect to see the comments below filled with grainy iMac camera footage of you doing it in your bedroom.
Current Active Roster Member: I’m convinced Emma’s release is a work. Why else have the PPV match with Asuka?
Musicality/Originality/Popularity: Are people still doing The Macarena? Yes. Would you rather be doing this dance with the bubble machine going? Yes. Yes, you would.
Historical Significance: Who. Cares.
2014 – Dragons & Valkyries
At Wrestlemania XXX, we heard this song four times. That’s a Grand Slam in of itself.
Current Active Roster Member: (fingers crossed for 2018)
Musicality/Originality/Popularity: Anyone who doesn’t get hyped for this song either hasn’t seen Apocalypse Now or is dead inside. Are we going to argue the significance of effing Wagner? What other wrestler would even choose or could even pull off Wagner? The best wrestler in the world, that’s who, you jabroni.
Historical Significance: The answer is a definitive Yes Movement.
Honorable Mention:
This isn’t the greatest song in the world, but I’m not made out of stone, sir. Like Dave Holmes once told me, “Never feel guilty about pleasure.”
2015 – Celtic Pride (Not The Movie)
This song has absolutely no reason to work. There is something strangely fascinating about its Mighty Bosstones-meets-Dragonforce sound that it’s sort of like dipping something in hummus that shouldn’t be dipped into hummus. But it tastes good to you, so, hey why not?
It also doesn’t hurt that it has that all-too-important “whoa-oh” vocalization that can get a whole room singing along whether you know the song or not. This sounds like the pub on a Saturday night in the year 2046, 10 minutes before Robo-Issac cuts you off.
Current Active Roster Member: Becky being pinned first at Survivor Series nearly made me turn my television off and walk into the ocean. And I live in Silverlake.
Musicality/Originality/Popularity: Too weird to not be interesting, but not so weird to get X-Pac Heat.
Historical Significance: They’ll be playing it for her for the next 10 years, so yeah basically.
And while you were thinking of bringing it up, you know, the less said about Stardust’s theme, the better. They can’t all be gems, Jim Johnston.
2016 – HUGGER SECTION 4LYFE
Look, this song is amazing. It immediately puts a smile on your face. It is the song even the bro-iest of bros would ask his girlfriend to play again if, you know, she wanted to or whatever. This is the song that was invented to score puppy vine compilations on Youtube. This is the song you dance to with your 8-year-old niece at a wedding.
On top of that, during that debut, Bayley was scaldingly hot as a babyface. An honest-to-goodness cradle-to-NXT true life story of someone who has loved wrestling her whole life and made it to Raw to feud with the daughter of the greatest champion to ever strut across God’s Green Earth. The mishandling of Bayley is the low-key greatest condemnation of WWE booking in two decades. How in the holy hell do you take a walking G-Rated Real Life Beyond The Mat and screw it up this badly?
Current Active Roster Member: 2018 babyface Intergender Tag Team Champions Bayley/Sami Zayn or WE RIOT.
Musicality/Originality/Popularity: You slip this into the mix at your beach house party next summer with all of your non-wrestling fan friends and let me know. You’ll run out of Malibu by the second chorus.
Historical Significance: The feel good hit of the Women’s Revolution. Fight me.
2017 – Roode Awakenings
This is only made all the better by the best entrance theme music currently in WWE interrupting an intentionally terrible song. I look forward to Beer Money Bobby doing this to The Drifter two hundred times in 2018.
Current Active Roster Member: Yes, and about 5 years later than he should have debuted but this song is proof that good things come to those who wait.
Musicality/Originality/Popularity: “Hey, this sounds like Queen!” “I don’t like it.” “Get out.”
Historical Significance: Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present.
Honorable Mention:
If the WWE ever creates a Cruiserweight Tag Team Championship, they better damn well be doing a Joey Janela/The Brian Kendrick Midnight Express gimmick. I’ll book it for free. I’m literally holding a racket while I’m typing this.
So how did I do? Feel free to comment below and cast your votes. If enough people like this, I’m prepared to go another decade or two in the past for giggles.
