Previously on Total Bellas: JJ installed a fart machine, the Bellas brought their mother and Daniel Bryan to tears, and everyone took a vacation in Sonoma (for a change) to officially launch the Bella Twins’ line of wines.
And now, the five most ridiculous, bizarre, and baffling moments of season two, episode six of Total Bellas.
A good viking middle name
This week’s episode opens up with Bryan and Brie putting together some more touches in the nursery, along with JJ. They talk about how Birdie still needs a middle name, and Bryan wants something to honor his Viking heritage, while Brie wants something to honor her Italian/Mexican heritage. JJ suggests “Burrito Joe Danielson,” which is awful and also one of the only good things JJ has ever done.
Later, Bryan springs for 23 and Me DNA tests for the whole fam, so everyone can find out their actual ethnic breakdowns. Bryan ends up being 98 percent Nordic, while Brie ends up being more Ashkenazi than Mexican. Brie starts exploring all of her different ethnicities, leaving no time for Bryan to check out his heritage, but then she throws him a surprise Viking party. It’s sweet!
I don’t really know what this accomplished, but Burrito Joe Danielson.
Dolls will make you rethink retirement
The Bella Twins take a trip to Mattel headquarters to get a sneak peek at their new fashion dolls. Nikki had it in her mind that she’d be retiring after WrestleMania, but seeing the new quasi-Barbies made her think about how much they’ll mean to young fans, and she begins questioning whether she really wants to give it all up. Later in the show, she brings her concerns to Cena, and he reminds her that she’s set up quite a diverse empire for herself, so it’s not like everything will be over once her in-ring career is.
For sure a Joe
In this week’s edition of JJ being just the absolute worst, he sets out to be a big Instagram star, and makes a bet with his mother that he can triple his IG following in two weeks. His tactics in gaining followers include spoofing his sister’s IG account, doing stunts like getting his chest waxed, and schmoozing selfies with WWE people backstage at shows.
He also spends a lot of time belittling his wife’s IG account and her skills at actually organically building a large social media following by carving out a niche, sticking to it, and being good at it. He runs down everyone all episode until finally Nikki has to take him outside during a dinner out and point out what a f*ckstick he’s being. You know; this week.
Don’t try to hit Tyler Breeze in the abs
Prior to a John Cena vs. Fandango match that you might remember, the world was introduced to Tyler Breeze as Breezy Bella, which I believe was the very first time Tyler Breeze was in drag on WWE television. It definitely wasn’t the last. For the finish of that match, Breezy jumped in the ring to interfere, and Nikki was supposed to cut him off and then hit tandem finishers with Cena. When Breeze got in the ring, his implants flopped out of his shirt, so Nikki started snickering and didn’t hit her spear takedown clean, bashing her head straight into the rock-hard abs of Mr. Breeze.
The result was immediate pain like she felt she had broken her neck, but she finished up. Cena immediately knew something was wrong, and took her straight to the trainer’s room, where Randy Orton and Erick Rowan were hanging out, because all the cool kids go to the trainer’s room.
The trainer believed it might just be neck strain, but scheduled X-Rays for Nikki in the morning. We’ll have to wait til next week to find out what happens. Except for the part where we already know. It’s still sad, though! And I believe this is the first time we’ve been aware it was the thicc bod of Tyler Breeze that broke the camel’s back.
Johnny Ace’s Instagram face
Enough said.
